#1
Ok it doesnt have a name and i never finished it. I've been up for hours thinking of a chorus (hook) but cant
Please comment it and help me I would love this to be my first actual song.


We were 15 and moving fast
but our relationship would never last
i wonder what you saw in me


(chorus might go here)

So, stop wasting your time spending with your friends
and those designer clothes on which you spend
are more than what you need

You got all that you want and more
but afraid to look out that front door
are you too blind to see?

(chorus again)

I have the chords for it too so if u want them let me know.
Please help me thanks
#3
the line 'designer clothes' is overused IMO. Try something else.
You're hugely influenced by popular music. Try to phrase what's inside you, not channel the world into a song, if that makes any sense.
#4
Quote by stephen_rettie
Must every verse consist of only 3?
Perhaps a new rhyme scheme, not A-A-B.

^ my entry for chorus and constructive crit.



Ok thank you I noticed that myself but not too sure how to change it since I am starting out. Thanks for the constructive crit I'll start working on it right away
#5
Quote by Jinzu
the line 'designer clothes' is overused IMO. Try something else.
You're hugely influenced by popular music. Try to phrase what's inside you, not channel the world into a song, if that makes any sense.


Thank you I need to work on somethings. Thank you for comment