#1
Wow. One of my very first pieces about a personal experience. This is a story about how I had loved a girl I met at Rockcamp, but she pushed me away and sent me a message.

I hope you guys enjoy this. I poured my heart out writing this piece.

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I Know Love

You say you've come along with too much for me to bear
You say you've come across with stories you couldn't share

But when I met you I swore we could have been
So when I asked you, what in the world do you mean?

You said

I know love
But this isn't it my friend
You're looking for something that's just not there
Maybe you're finding it (somehow)
Trust me, you dont want this
And when you love for real you'll see
It is what it is
So for now and forever
Sweet screams

Does love at first sight have to be the only way?
Can't it come around, with things we wouldn't always say?

Cos when I met you I swore we could have been
So when I asked you, what in the world do you mean?

You said

I know love
But this isn't it my friend
You're looking for something that's just not there
Maybe you're finding it (somehow)
Trust me, you dont want this
And when you love for real you'll see
It is what it is
So for now and forever
Sweet screams

My words were sweet to you, or so you told me
If I could have seen you again I wouldve said yes in a heartbeat

If we could go back to that place where we felt we had something
Just to charm you one more time I could have lived on with nothing

God I could have nothing
Just so that I could say something
God I could have nothing
Just so that I could say something
God I could have nothing
God I could have nothing
God I could have nothing

But you said

I know love
But this isn't it my friend
You're looking for something that's just not there
Maybe you're finding it (somehow)
Trust me, you dont want this
And when you love for real you'll see
It is what it is
So for now and forever
Sweet screams

If we could go back to that place where we felt we had something
Just to charm you one more time I could have lived on with nothing

God I could have nothing
God I could have nothing
God I could have nothing


EDIT: "Sorry but I'm nothing special" changed to "Trust me you don't want this"
Last edited by crisisinheaven at Dec 26, 2009,
#2
That was really good. I loved the "God i could have nothing, just to say something". I can really relate to that and it seems that you have put it into words perfectly. I like the rhyming, it doesn't seem forced or anything like that.


C4C? mine should still be on the first page...
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
#3
Quote by sporkface
That was really good. I loved the "God i could have nothing, just to say something". I can really relate to that and it seems that you have put it into words perfectly. I like the rhyming, it doesn't seem forced or anything like that.


C4C? mine should still be on the first page...


Thank you my friend! I agree rhyming shouldn't feel forced, just as love shouldn't be either. It's great you can relate to this, and again thank you!
#4
I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this. You said a lot with few words, which is something to be admired. Anyways the chorus was my favorite part. The only thing I didn't like about it was the "I'm nothing special" line. I just don't like the word "special". Makes me think "special ed." Sorry. Pehaps something like "Trust me, you don't want this." would suffice. Nevertheless, your pain is our pleasure. Nice writing and I hope to read more from you soon.

Crit mine please
Youth In Asia
#5
Quote by themarsvolta
I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this. You said a lot with few words, which is something to be admired. Anyways the chorus was my favorite part. The only thing I didn't like about it was the "I'm nothing special" line. I just don't like the word "special". Makes me think "special ed." Sorry. Pehaps something like "Trust me, you don't want this." would suffice. Nevertheless, your pain is our pleasure. Nice writing and I hope to read more from you soon.

Crit mine please
Youth In Asia


Your advice has been the most helpful during my whole time in UG. I couldn't agree more with your line, and will be changing it soon. Thank you very much for your time, and nice work with Youth In Asia!