#1
I really don"t know what I'm on about...

It's getting lonely out here in the deep end,
why don't you swim out and play for awhile?,
it's tons of fun,
battering my tattered mind against the last vestiges of sanity,
this ledge is so high up and I can't see the ground through all this fog,
so I place a beautiful rose down on this rain-slick ledge,
trying to get a better grip so as not to fall,
as voices echo up to me, laced with venom only years of dissapointment and anger could ever brew up,
the cries of the broken growing ever dissonant,
the growing distance from these hearts, our love,
parasitic, viral lovers,
this is feeling hopeless at its finest...
In diesem Herz hab ich die Macht.

Gear:
Fender MIM HSS Strat (Wine Red)
VOX Valvetronix VT20+
Kay K390 Acoustic
#3
Get rid of the word beautiful. Rose implies beauty. If you need an adjective, find a more specific one.
Overall I can't really say I like this. The tone is ill-defined and it's got hints of big words for the sake of big words syndrome.
I think it could be something special with a little more thought and some refinement.

take a look at this song?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1252187
I want Super Saiyan abilities