#1
Dear Courtney
I write you
To try to put an end to
This sad thing
You call love
Not a match made up above

I can't stand
Your phone calls
Pictures of me on your walls
There is no
Space to breath
Don't follow me when I leave

So just give up
Go on home
And please leave me alone
It's not me
Cause its you
I'm sorry for what I've put you through

This time I'm
Serious
Leaving because you obsess
It's the end
As you see
I'll just sign sincerly me

So just give up
Go on home
And please leave me alone
It's not me
Cause its you
I'm sorry for what I've put you through

P.S.

Don't give up
Come on home
I can't stand being alone
It's not you
Cause its me
I hope you know that I'm so sorry
Last edited by SmartyJones at Dec 27, 2009,
#2
I didn't like the "this time I'm serious..." stanza, just didn't sound right
loved the ps part, it's a really good twist in the end
I don't think you should repeat the chorus (at least I think it's some sort of chorus) in the end, unless you change something in it, otherwise it's just killing space...
loved you're rhyming scheme, short and simple sentences, really cool

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1248174 c4c?
#3
hey thanks for the crit, i get what your saying about repeating the chorus and deceided to change that part but the "serious" part fits well into my 337337 sylobal scheme so that parts staying. any other tips on how this can be improved are welcomed.