#1
So, Ug, i just felt like doing something... "crazy" ...and well, here I am.

Okay, I admit, it's not a complete Album, it's more of a 6+1 Track EP.

Tracklist:

01 - Burning Bridges
02 - The Man Who Went Out To Map The Ocean
03 - Emily
04 - Love From Your Lips, Hate From Your Eyes
05 - The Snowman Metaphore
06 - Words
07 - The Snowman Metaphore (Acoustic)

Well, i had posted most of these songs here already, but I never seem to get much attention. Thats okay, I'm used to it.

Every song but the first is supposed to have vocals in it, but since I suck at writing vocal lines, I haven't written any.

This Album will be recorded in February 2010, so i'm looking for suggestions what I should improve or what's good.

Also, every song has it's own story, so if you want to know anything about it, just aks.

Alright, C4C of course
Attachments:
01 - Burning Bridges.zip
02 - The Man Who Went Out To Map The Ocean.zip
03 - Emily.zip
04 - Love From Your Lips, Hate From Your Eyes.zip
05 - The Snowman Metaphore.zip
Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
#2
And, since there are only 5 attachments per post allowed, here are the two last songs.

God I hope I don't break any rules



Edit: I just uploaded the Version of "The snowman Metaphore" with the bassline Kinpump has written. Thank you very much for this, man!
Attachments:
06 - Words.zip
07 - The Snowman Metaphore (Acoustic).zip
Snowman Metaphore (Bass).zip
Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
Last edited by OrangeWalls at Jan 9, 2010,
#3
Burning Bridges:

Interesting use of the possible sound effects in guitar pro.
The intro with only the synth-strings until bar 38 feels a little bit long,
there is not much happening in a long time.
Then the piano comes in with a nice little melody.
After that i really like the guitars.
They reminded me of some "Explosion in the Sky" parts, if you know the band, if not check them out
Overall i really like this short piece, it has a nice atmosphere...
There is only one thing i was wondering about,
how are you going to play those two fs on the bass in bar 46?
With tapping i guess?
Im going to crit some of the other songs later :P
#4
I just listened to Burning Bridge.

The intro (1-29) got a little broing, I feel like you should have either introduced another element, or cut it down a bit,

Overall though, I like it; it has a nice feel to it, and an original one, at that.

The Man Who Went Out To Map The Ocean:

Wow, you seem to have a talent for this kind of stuff.

The transition from 44 to 46 seems a bit off.

Also, the way the ocean kind of starts and stops towards the end just sounds strange.

Still, wow.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1253951
Last edited by herby190 at Dec 31, 2009,
#5
Hey guys, thanks for your crits...

Quote by herby190
The intro (1-29) got a little broing, I feel like you should have either introduced another element, or cut it down a bit,


Quote by KinPump
Interesting use of the possible sound effects in guitar pro.
The intro with only the synth-strings until bar 38 feels a little bit long,
there is not much happening in a long time.
Then the piano comes in with a nice little melody.


This is pretty much what I was intending. There is a long time nothing but sound effects, static and some synth string until you think. "Hey, is that all?" and then the piano comes in, and when you start thinking about how you like the piano, you have the guitars that shall blow away your mind.

I guess, it's not that clear in GP5. It will be alot better recorded

So, i give this a bump and hope someone will write something. I appreciate any input

Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
#6
this is all really amazing, I love the post-rock feel you have throughout. please find a way to record this, I would definitely pay for this EP, and spread the word.
#7
Quote by Thomasoman
this is all really amazing, I love the post-rock feel you have throughout. please find a way to record this, I would definitely pay for this EP, and spread the word.


Haha, thanks, glad you liked it.

I'm defenitely going to try to record it, but atm it doesn't look that good. My drummer just went of to work in another city far away and due to this i don't have a drummer. We'll try it with midi drums, but to be honest, i don't think this is going to work.

Do you have something to crit for me? if yes, just tell me.

Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
#8
Listening to the Snowman Metaphore

Intro's good, I like the chord progression of that and the verse, it's catchy. Interlude was good, it leads into the next parts nicely. The chorus was ok, but it wasn't amazing either. I really like the strings in the bridge. I think you should try them with the chorus too. I think it would add to the chorus, giving it a simple catchy melody, and making it a big chorus too if you wanted. I don't really like how the strings start and stop though, I like how it's smoother in the end. That's what I was saying to try on the chorus.

The Rhodes is good too. Subtle, but adds a nice touch. I like the Rhodes in the outro especially. I thought bar 82 kind of interrupted the flow how it stopped like that though.

And no bass? Haha, I'm biased being a bassist, but I think it would help out the song. Overall, not a bad song, but not amazing either. I'll say 7.5/10.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1256279
#10
Quote by randomthought9
Listening to the Snowman Metaphore

Intro's good, I like the chord progression of that and the verse, it's catchy. Interlude was good, it leads into the next parts nicely. The chorus was ok, but it wasn't amazing either. I really like the strings in the bridge. I think you should try them with the chorus too. I think it would add to the chorus, giving it a simple catchy melody, and making it a big chorus too if you wanted. I don't really like how the strings start and stop though, I like how it's smoother in the end. That's what I was saying to try on the chorus.

The Rhodes is good too. Subtle, but adds a nice touch. I like the Rhodes in the outro especially. I thought bar 82 kind of interrupted the flow how it stopped like that though.


Glad you liked most of the parts! There is a simple reason why there is no real melody in the chorus. There will be a three voices-harmonisation-thingy with the vocals, and that doesn't let enough space for strings or things like that. But I agree, it sounds a bit boring without vocals.

The rhodes has somehow gotten my favourite instrument. I use it far to often!

Quote by randomthought9


And no bass? Haha, I'm biased being a bassist, but I think it would help out the song. Overall, not a bad song, but not amazing either. I'll say 7.5/10.


Huh, yeah, that's mostly because this was originally an acoustic song, and we just changed the drums and the guitars. Never thought about a bass really, but, Kinpump did and he wrote a ****ing amazing bassline. Im gonna upload it into the second OP.

Quote by herby190
This piece has a lot of beauty to it, and the guitar-work reminds me of Senses Fail a little. My only complaint is that it gets a little repetitive, but with vocals, I don't see it being a problem at all.


Yeah, it's my favourite song. And the guitars are actually more Thrice influenced, but since Senses Fail is one of my favourite bands, i guess you see where i'm stealing
Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."
#11
As I listen:

Love From Your Lips, Hate From Your Eyes:

Intro: Decent, nothing really to say here.

Verse: The riffing is kind of cool, but again, nothing really sticks out to me.

Pre-Chorus: Kind of chaotic, but I like it.

Chorus: I thought this was great.

Interlude: I feel like there needs to be some kind of change in the song.

Heavy part: Not enough of a change, it still felt like part of the same thing.

Verse: Nothing new.

Chorus: I still like this, but everything so far has felt like one big section.

Second Interlude: I like that it isn't exactly the same as the rest, but it still didn't feel like it changed much.

Outro: This sounds great.

All the riffs and sections here are great, but my only complaint is that everything felt like one big section; there didn't feel like there was a major change between the intro and the verse, the chorus and the interlude, et-cetera. This may be a good or bad thing, depending on the vocals, and the overall feel you wanted with the song, but in GP, it gets pretty boring.

The Snowman Metaphore:

You spelled it wrong; according to by spellcheck, there's no "e" at the end.

Intro: Has a nice, happy feel to it.

Verse 1: Simple, but I like it.

Interlude 1: Again, short and simple, but good.

Verse 2: Nothing new from the last verse, but it isn't repetitive.

Interlude 2: Still good.

Chorus: Still nothing new, but it's okay.

Br: A nice lead back into the verse.

Verse 3: Without vocals, it's a bit repetitive, but with, it shouldn't be a problem.

Interlude 3: Still good.

Chorus: Nothing new.

Breakdown: This was needed; I was starting to feel the song needed a change.

Bridge: The use of strings feels awkward here, but it might not on an actually recording.

Outro: I like that you include the extra guitar; makes it sound great to my ears.

As an instrumental, this wouldn't be the greatest, but with vocals, it could easy be a 9/10.

Words:

Intro A: Has a nice, interesting, tense feel, that catches your attention.

Intro B: Still good.

Preverse: I like the bass.

Verse: Still loving that bassline; the guitar work is simple, but I feel that the bass more than makes up for it.

Chorus: Sounds good to me.

C2: Not so sure on this part; maybe only do it on the second chorus.

PostChorus: This part was okay.

Melodramatic: I feel like this makes a great bridge or interlude; I really like it.

Chorus: This led from the last section well, and sounds good.

Post-chorus: This part was okay.

The Last Anthem: I love the part where the guitar stops; great placement!

Last Chorus: Nothing really to mention here.

Outro: I don't really like how sudden the ending was here.


C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258573
#12
I listened to Emily, and I have to tell you, I really enjoyed that

The chord progression is nice and the 6/8 time suits the idea behind the song, which I'm guessing is about a girl. Instrumentally, it does get a little bit dull, but I can imagine that with lyrics everything would work perfectly. My only advice would be to make yourself a nice guitar solo for this song. It seems to be begging for one

Btw, if you can, crit a song off my ep, Sunsets & New Beginnings. I don't know if it's really in your style, but I'd still like to hear your thoughts on it
#13
I'm listening to Burning Bridges now; even after the first few seconds i intend to listen to them all though; f'ing fantastic!

I listen to a bit of drone/post-rock, and this really reminded me of it, sort of Mogwai mixed with Biosphere (which is certainly not a bad thing).

The layers work really well with each part coming in, though the kick-in took me a bit by surprise, I like it though. The riff's quite nice, the melody almost reminds me of spanish guitar.

Break is a welcome release of tension...

Ah, it's not a break. I expected more from this track, though I suppose it's more an intro then? I think you could go somewhere further with the piece if you wanted to; for the style i interpreted it to be it was a little abrupt. Which might be a welcome change ;D

Expect a few more from me around and about, I'll make sure to listen to the rest of this stuff.

I've another song, along with Wait that you just critted, called Apologies if you're interested. It's in much the same vein, but I sort of used it as a stepping stone to create Wait, it follows largely the same structure and style.
#14
Quote by herby190
As I listen:

Love From Your Lips, Hate From Your Eyes:

[...]

All the riffs and sections here are great, but my only complaint is that everything felt like one big section; there didn't feel like there was a major change between the intro and the verse, the chorus and the interlude, et-cetera. This may be a good or bad thing, depending on the vocals, and the overall feel you wanted with the song, but in GP, it gets pretty boring.



First off, Thank you for critting every single song. I owe you one mate!

Well, the song is mostly on that EP to get the Emo kids dancing and hopping around. It's an awesome song if you play it live with enough dynamic. But I agree, it's nothing really special.

Quote by herby190


The Snowman Metaphore:

You spelled it wrong; according to by spellcheck, there's no "e" at the end.



Ups.

Quote by herby190


[...]

As an instrumental, this wouldn't be the greatest, but with vocals, it could easy be a 9/10.



Well, it originally was just an acousticsong that we decided to throw on that ep for fun (and because we needed some songs), and the lyrics are kinda stupid. The melody will be pretty cool, though, so I guess it's another one of those not really spectacular songs on the record. But glad you liked it.

Quote by herby190


Words:

Intro A: Has a nice, interesting, tense feel, that catches your attention.

Intro B: Still good.

Preverse: I like the bass.



Me too.

Quote by herby190


Verse: Still loving that bassline; the guitar work is simple, but I feel that the bass more than makes up for it.

Chorus: Sounds good to me.

C2: Not so sure on this part; maybe only do it on the second chorus.

PostChorus: This part was okay.

Melodramatic: I feel like this makes a great bridge or interlude; I really like it.



Yeah, i like it too. But I'm still sure that I already heard this somewhere and I hate to steal. Wasn't able to find it somewhere, though.

Quote by herby190


Outro: I don't really like how sudden the ending was here.



That's mostly because I've forgotten to write an actual ending...

Quote by aceral1715

I listened to Emily, and I have to tell you, I really enjoyed that

The chord progression is nice and the 6/8 time suits the idea behind the song, which I'm guessing is about a girl. Instrumentally, it does get a little bit dull, but I can imagine that with lyrics everything would work perfectly. My only advice would be to make yourself a nice guitar solo for this song. It seems to be begging for one



Well, it actually is more about an monster as an girl (if you catch my drift), but yeah, it's an highly emotional song. It originally featured very calm and kind lyrics and a melody, but now it has a lot of Vocalharmonisation and screaming in it. Fit the song quite well, even if you wouldn't think so

Quote by Gerbs
I'm listening to Burning Bridges now; even after the first few seconds i intend to listen to them all though; f'ing fantastic!

I listen to a bit of drone/post-rock, and this really reminded me of it, sort of Mogwai mixed with Biosphere (which is certainly not a bad thing).

The layers work really well with each part coming in, though the kick-in took me a bit by surprise, I like it though. The riff's quite nice, the melody almost reminds me of spanish guitar.

Break is a welcome release of tension...

Ah, it's not a break. I expected more from this track, though I suppose it's more an intro then? I think you could go somewhere further with the piece if you wanted to; for the style i interpreted it to be it was a little abrupt. Which might be a welcome change ;D


Well, glad you like it. The suprise is intended, i wanted to create a song that is not really foreseeable. And yeah, you're right with the intro. It's a tribute to Brand New's Tautou (at least from the style, not from the technic.). I think it works quite well as an opener.

Quote by Gerbs
Expect a few more from me around and about, I'll make sure to listen to the rest of this stuff.


Great I'm now goint to check your other stuff out. It's really amazing.

Thanks you all guys for your crits.!!!
Gear:
Ibanez SZ320 -> Höfner Analouge Delay -> MXR GT-OD -> Laney GH50L -> T.C.Electronics GMajor -> Line6 4x12 w/ Celestion G12T-75


My Lyrics and Poems


"with golden hair and perfect eyes,

with hollow words and empty lies."