#1
This is just a little something I whipped up last night. It sums up the last month of my life (which at times was totally awful). It's a reflective poem. For some reason the very first line is pissing me off, can anyone give a suggestion to make it flow just a little easier? cheers.

In the garden I waited for you out in the rain
The small sacrifices I made each day just for our gain
I can remember that moment of feeling enlightened
Holding your hand in the dark when you felt frightened
But these days I'm nothing but cold and withdrawn
Just a hopeless example
Of how love makes a fool of us all
#2
For the first line, maybe try not being as direct; maybe replace "garden" with "Edan", or something of that nature.
#3
Hmm thats a good idea but i dont feel like a biblical allusion would fit right with the tone of the poem, thanks anyway though!