Kinda has a Veil Of Maya feel, but the verses are thrashier. It's about 4 minutes long, and has a pretty standard structure. Just would like some honest opinions.

RSE PLEASE. Midi with this is a tad shitty. I guess you could screw around with the levels if you're that dedicated to hearing this. XD

And c4c of course. Thanks.
Last edited by dervishguitar at Dec 28, 2009,
Critting as I listen..
Awesome intro, kind of reminded me of some old Malmsteen songs with some little runs in between those awesome hard metal riffs.

The little harmonized runs are an awesome touch.

The Chorus is really good, I like how you kept it simple but it still fit with the rest of the song.

The entrance of the main riff after the chorus was amazing

The Post-bridge and the mosh parts were easily my favorite parts till now, I just wish the drums were much faster, to give it a more "MOSH UNTIL YOU BREAK YOUR ****ING HEAD" feeling

Overall it's amazing, but the riffs can get just a little repetitive since they're all a bit similar, but with vocals this might be a lot different.

Edit: Oh, and thanks for the crit on my song.
Last edited by Portuguese_boy at Dec 28, 2009,
Yes, vocals will be a key point in this song. I've got a few ideas said aside lyrically, I just want basic opinions for the music.

Thank you, and it was no problem. lol.
I really like the odd timing going on in the intro riff. Its pretty cool. A very effective intro. The next riff is also really good. I like the slides. Kinda reminds me of like... Vader or some band like that [forgive me, I dont listen to much Death Metal].

The chorus is an awesome way to slow it down, and the Pre-Chorus is possibly one of my favorite parts in the song. It's just interesting how things kinda fade in and out. I love it.

I also quite enjoyed the post verse trem picking. Although I felt like it could have been faster. But thats just me. When I trem, I go all out.

The ending was a good return to the main riff as well. Nice job. Not much I can say really, it never got boring, and was a fun listen.
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"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
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Crit as I listen.

Drums, wut. Not great so far. Catchy yes, but too typical for my taste. Synths are a little cheesy for this kind of progression here. Interlude isn't really an interlude but it's my favourite part so far.

Tempo change wasn't bad, actually. I'm still slightly irritated by the poppiness of this. Just me?

This is quite well organized, BUT IT'S SO BASIC, IT'S BUGGING ME. Maybe it's your thing, but you should be able to get more creative than this.

Still listening, but nothing new to say.

Chorus bugs me. This is all too "RAWR I WANNA BE IN A BIG METAL BAND BUT 20 YEARS AGO".

If you're gonna Steve Morse the solo then it'll sound really cool. But if it's all legato then meh.

I didn't like the ending.

Unfortunately I didn't like this. It screamed conformism to me and you just want to appeal to as many people as you can, not yourself.

If this is you, and you can convince me then alright I guess. I have nothing to say against you at that point.

Being honest my bruddah.

Be as brutally honest as you want with mine, that is if you even want to look at it. XD

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1252157

hey man thanks for your crit , and for being honest

allthough i like to think less is more , and yes this is me , and as for trying to appeal to as many people as i can ? well ye ... but i want to make music that i like first , and second for other people to enjoy , in the end thats my driving force.

to stand there on stage and being there for the fans and to make that chemistry together is all about unity and understanding , not conformism or money or showing off how good you are or any of that shit
and as a metal fan ... you should know better.

anyway here's my brutally honest crit

Intro :
liked it , was good and solid.

Verse :
dont like the drums , to fast/chaotic for my taste.

Pre-Chorus :
better , allthough i didnt like bar 48 , didnt really felt right there

Chorus :
was ok , drums to fast , some chords sounded off , and no melody was a dissapointment imo.

the rest of it sounded repetitive , with only small changes here and there , and the mosh thing and breakdown just arent my thing so ill wont comment that

all in all it was ok though i didnt like the drums and it was to repetitive , and i missed a lead guitar imo.

anyway can you crit any of my songs ? there in my sig.
Last edited by MobiuZ at Dec 29, 2009,
first of all, I wouldn't really call that death metal. especially the mosh part later on more reminds of something with 'core, and I can't stand that.
Rse mix wasn't really that good, the drums sound really bad at times.

Best part of the song is the intro by far, basically the only part I enjoyed.

Yeah I can't really say much about this since I don't like it at all, just some riffs put together. The riffself are good I guess, I can't spot soemthing that would technically be bad, but they're nothing special either. They get rather annoying and repetitive after a while.
As I said that mosh part is horrible and super-generic, a solo would have been better (if done right, that is)

also, stop bumping your thread like crazy
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Crit as I listen:

That intro riff is great. It's just got that really mean sound, especially with that diminished arpeggio at the end of the phrase. Pretty cool verse riff followed by a good idea to return to that intro riff. When you go back into that verse riff, I think you should vary the ending a little bit, especially to make the flow into the next part better.

The pre-chorus itself is really cool. The bass is nice, and so is that tremolo picked part you stick in there too. Bars 45- 52 are a great lead-in to the chorus. Good ideas shown there. The Chorus is memorable, but nothing special. I think you should put a lead part over the chord progression to spice it up a little. Right now it's kinda dull.

For the next verse, you should probably alter the structure instead of rehashing the way you put the entire first half of the song together. Maybe introduce some new ideas in this part.

The breakdown, I think can be done without. It doesn't really do anything for the song and just seems thrown in there. Try a different idea or just don't let it drag on too long.

The ending is weak too. It seems like you just gave up on the song instead of finding a good way to resolve everything. I think you can do better than that.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1252391
Cheers for the crit on mine
Crit as I listen

Intro sounds pretty sick, I just like the feel, but it sounds a bit too familiar to something that's already been done really.
Verse is pretty cool, everything flows well so far
I think when these two are repeated you should change something, like change some of the endings to the bars or anything, just for the variety.
Pre-Chorus is nice, no complaints there and it goes into the chorus pretty smoothly and I like the chords here
Same comment on the verse and intro repeat again, needs some variation
Post verse is a bit boring, I dunno, nothing really wrong with it.
Mosh bit sounds fun, drums could be a bit heavier
Breakdown is a bit long, could do with some variations
I don't really like how it ends, it's just a bit sudden, you might have wanted that but it just doen't sound too good here.

I like the overall feel for the song, but it could do with a bit more variety.
thanks for the crit on mine

obviously different style, i don't like some of the chords very much, but i like the intensity, i also think the breakdown is a bit repetitive, bass is awesome though, maybe make the drums a bit heavier
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Critiquing as i listen.

Bars 1-16: Very amazing intro. I really liked how in measure 4 you go from a low E to it's octave, that just made me alert and fully into the song already. Also i liked the "death" riff you played as well, Very nice.

Bars 17-36: I like the riffs you played here, but i kinda feel like it's too many dissonant chords. But hey, if you're going for an evil metal sound then keep them in there.

Bars 37-44: I like the bass here, it's very aggressive and i mean that in the good way. Also, the guitar work is very nice i will add

Bars 45-52: This "breakdown" feel is a very nice compliment to the song. Just what it needed to increase the emotion and overall feel to the song. Nice job.

Bars 53-70: Chorus feel I'm guessing. I like the chords, but I feel that they aren't held out long enough. I don't know, maybe it's just me but i think it would be better if you held the notes out just a little longer.

Bars 71-98: Same riffs from before. I like them don't get me wrong, but i think you should have done some variation thing on them because i feel like i have heard these riffs quite a lot.

Bars 99-106: I like this riff a lot! If you wanted to make it a little "deathy" then maybe you should have harmonized it around measure 103

Bars 107-114: I think you should cut this part out. I've heard this riff way too much and i think it would be better just to go straight into bars 115-122.

Bars 123-149: I like most of your song, but i think this is the weakest part in the whole song. I know what you were trying for, but please change some of the chords up. At this point i was really not entertained, It became a little painful to listen to.

Bars 150-Ending: I like that riff a lot, but I think you should replace measures 150-ending with measures 53-70. If you inserted what i suggested, then maybe the song will feel like it's coming to a stop slowly, not abruptly.

I'm very sorry if some of my critique was a little harsh, but you gotta do what you gotta do right? i enjoyed listening to your song but i feel it stills needs some tweaking. Good job, over all i give you a 8.5/10
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thanks for the crit, taken me a while to get back because i simply 100% completely forgot i'd even posted it.

Intro: Love it, double bass sets the mood well. I also particularly like the riff here.

Verse: Verse riff is a bit too all over the place for me, too thrashy for my kitten like ears :P But disregarding that fact it all goes well together, drums fit in perfectly

Re-Intro: Provides a nice break away from the verse, definately required as i'd say the verse riff runs the risk of become tiring for the listener.

Pre-Chorus: Really enjoyed the bass the whole way throughout this passage, lead line on the guitar fits very well, also really enjoyed the double picking. Ain't sure if theres terribly much need for the second half of the pre-chorus though.

Chorus: Liked everything about this, chord progression was great and i particularly liked the odd timing.

Re-Intro/Pre-Verse: Plain and Perfect, best thing to be there.

Post Verse: For this section to truly work I'd think it'd need some heavy screaming over the top, and if its there then ace.

Kmosh/Breakdown: Quite simply, this played live would stir the pits up. I like the fact that the drums aren't exactly the speed I'd expected them to come in at straight away, made me pay attention.

End: Like the re-intro verse making an appearance again, don't like that last chord terribly much though.

Overall 8/10
Would receive a cheerful amount of plays in the car.