#1
I'm still working on it


Let's shoot off,
Like a lightning bolt,
Tonight!
Let's blow up,
Like an atom bomb,
Tonight!

We'll burst into flames like a phoenix,
We won't stop 'til they've seen us!

Let's count down like a time bomb,
'Til tonight!
Let's shine down like starlight,
Tonight!

We'll burst into flames like a phoenix,
We won't stop 'til they've seen us!
#2
You've laid yourself a great foundation here but I think to take these lyrics one step farther, you need to layer it with some depth. What I mean by this is that you have to hint at something more underneath the surface, that there is more than what meets the eye with your words. You want to make the reader think and to ultimately connect with the emotions you are trying to convey.

Something that caught my eye was your image of a phoenix. I think this is a great place for adding depth to these lyrics. With the idea of a phoenix meaning rebirth, a second try, you can expand upon that image and incorporate it into your ultimate theme. By doing this, you are making your lyrics more complex. You can juggle multiple ideas behind a single motif or metaphor while still tying it into a greater message. This is what using the phoenix image can do for you. Just a suggestion though.

Finally, even in lyrics there needs to be some form of characterization, conflict, and storyline. Right here you have none of these. For characterization, tell me who this other person is (I'm assuming a significant other?), tell me what they're like, tell me who you are and how you feel about them. For conflict, tell me what is driving your characters to their goal. Any great literary work is born in some sort of conflict, even lyrics. And for storyline, give me a beginning, middle, and end or tell me where you were, where you are now, and where you think you'll end up.

Hope this helped a little. Like I said, a lot of great stuff right now, you just gotta sort it out a little and you'll be well on your way. Take 'er easy
here, My Dear, here it is
#3
Okay, thanks!
It's still really basic, so thanks for the advice!
I guess I'm learning, I must be warmer now
I'll soon be turning, round the corner now