#1
there is a way your skin speaks
so i only have to listen and
i am swayed back and forth by its soft cadence.
i hear its veiled language, whispering
so delicately in a foreign dialect
that i want to kiss every consonant
and lick the syllables off every one of your slender curves
so that maybe our tongues will be slightly less
enigmatic.
laying next to me,
i watch your sleeping body rise and fall
as if on a wave in a satin ocean
and i see the moonlight creep quietly in.
in these moments, i conjure up such childish words for you.
they illumine every buried emotion
that will surely be swamped by your dark and cryptic aura,
forever lost in translation.
because you know,
we all fall in love sometimes
and my words will often fail me.
my touch will probably go unfelt, misunderstood
but i will always be left speechless by yours.
and it's the most upsetting thing:
i will finally be rocked to sleep by your ethereal skin
singing such beautiful words,
only to be demonized
by nightmares of
never knowing what they mean.
here, My Dear, here it is
Last edited by SubwayToVenus at Dec 29, 2009,
#2
Quote by SubwayToVenus
there is a way your skin speaks
so i only have to listen and
i am swayed back and forth by its soft cadence.
didn't like the use of the word cadence, the line above ends at an odd place in disrupts initial flow
i hear its veiled language, whispering didn't like this line break
so delicately in a foreign dialect
that i want to kiss every consonant
and lick the syllables off every one of your slender curves
so that maybe our tongues will be slightly less
enigmatic.
absolutely love the past 4 lines
laying next to me,
i watch your sleeping body rise and fall
as if on a wave in a satin oceansounds unsophisticated among these other images
and i see the moonlight creep quietly in.
in these moments, i conjure up such childish words for you.
they illumine every buried emotion
that will surely be swamped in your dark and cryptic aura,
i feel like cryptic could stand alone without dark
forever lost in translation.
because you know,
we all fall in love sometimes
and my words will often fail me.
my touch will probably go unfelt, misunderstood
but i will always be left speechless by yours.
and it's the most upsetting thing:
i will finally be rocked to sleep by your cool skin
'cool' seems insufficient again among all these images, standing alone
singing such beautiful words,
only to be demonized
by nightmares of
never knowing what they mean.


there are so many periods speckled among this thing! loosen up!
anyway, plain beautiful, as are all your thoughts. i was picky with the crit.
<3
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#3
As always, great imagery. There were a couple parts that were shaky, but vintage got most of them.
The ending was absolutely sublime. Nailed every emotion in love.
#4
Thanks both of you. I appreciate the help, saadia, and will make some of the edits you suggested. Grazie
here, My Dear, here it is