#1
filter-dope Saulm.
i'm beginning something of a series of these; this is the prototype lol.


caressed his bottom lip with
the cigar not lit, yet.
a mission is in store, in loveless
cooperation for
matters most secret; Saul fiddles
numbed thumbs
and hums knotted thoughts
loudly to all of the nothing surrounding.
he is nude on the couch
with a plate, hooter and razor;
he is pierced with lust and coffee
and the microwave smells of an
acetone justice, just follow
the track-marks all the way
to his tear ducts.
this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open
so no matter how hard the eyes
are shut
an imprisoned soul is revealed
to every sense and angle
he lifts the baggie
and orgasms
he chews the remains
like a fiendish creature
till the last is no more but what is
mine.
i see him in the eyelids
till the light bursts through
and then he desolves
with it and
me.

i remove the cigar once again
from it's tube and spark the torch;
toss the cigar
and hide the tube in a sock
to love me later.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#2
Oh how I'm happy to see you post again.

This piece was very charged and I loved how it started with pace and internal rhymes, and then slowly de-constructed itself into the harshness of the unveiled meaning. Can't escape the destruction. It's not an easy read, but the honesty just creeps between the words and seeps to the heart. This left me heavy hearted on the one hand and excited on the other, just because it was such a unique perspective on metaphors and images, all put together to create this broken down scene that reflects more than a state of mind.

Quote by ottoavist

[...] just follow
the track-marks all the way
to his tear ducts.
this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open


This part was so right, you took all these cliché ideas and yet made it feel so fresh and so true.
This is not a pipe
#3
I haven't read a damned thing I really liked in here in a while, thanks for posting.
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!
#4
Kent, your works are like a shining light of revelation. I don't know how you do it.
#6
thank you guys so much for having a look at this. at this point in the infancy, i believe this will be the 'oddball' of the series. Saul's character however, will remain a constant till the end. /theoreticaldisposition.

thanks again.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
#7

caressed his bottom lip with
the cigar not lit, yet.
a mission is in store, in loveless
cooperation for
matters most secret; Saul fiddles
numbed thumbs
Between the quirky line-breaks and the rhymes here and starting then next line, this is Classic Kent. Little touches like that make huge differences in the reading experience.
and hums knotted thoughts
loudly to all of the nothing surrounding.
he is nude on the couch
I rather dislike the word choice here.
Nude feels too soft.
Naked would be more stark and vulnerable.

with a plate, hooter and razor;
he is pierced with lust and coffee
and the microwave smells of an
acetone justice, just follow
the track-marks all the way
to his tear ducts.
Acetone justice is just plain weird, but it works to put me in the room.
All the way to his tear ducts rocks hard. It alludes to an inner conflict.

this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open
so no matter how hard the eyes
are shut
an imprisoned soul is revealed
to every sense and angle
he lifts the baggie
and orgasms
I dunno if there would be a way to capture the relief/release without saying orgasm, but it would be worth a try, even at the expense of several words. This comes on just a bit strong.
he chews the remains
like a fiendish creature
till the last is no more but what is
mine.
i see him in the eyelids
till the light bursts through
and then he desolves dissolves?
with it and
me.

i remove the cigar once again
from it's tube and spark the torch;
toss the cigar
and hide the tube in a sock
to love me later.


Nasty, gritty and elegant. All at once.
There are few here other than you and Billy who can do seamy so seamlessly.
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
I release my inner liberal every morning when I take a shit.
Quote by SK8RDUDE411
I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#8
Where the hell have you been? Pleasure to read, as always, as always
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#9
Quote by ottoavist
filter-dope Saulm.
i'm beginning something of a series of these; this is the prototype lol.


caressed his bottom lip with
the cigar not lit, yet.
This has a really interesting rhythm that belies the middle part of the piece (but fits in with the ending). It's hard to get into it at first but the more you do read the more you start to understand the point.
a mission is in store, in loveless
cooperation for
matters most secret; Saul fiddles
numbed thumbs
I'm not a huge fan of "numbed thumbs". I think it's a bit too meshed and messy. Maybe that was the purpose?
and hums knotted thoughts
loudly to all of the nothing surrounding.
I'm not mega keen on the break at "loudly".

he is nude on the couch
with a plate, hooter and razor;
he is pierced with lust and coffee
and the microwave smells of an
acetone justice, just follow
the track-marks all the way
to his tear ducts.
this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open
so no matter how hard the eyes
are shut
an imprisoned soul is revealed
to every sense and angle
he lifts the baggie
and orgasms
"orgasms" is really weird here, like "plate, hooter and razor" above. The flow and feeling is intense, though. The fluidity comes out of nowhere and hits you like a waterfall.

he chews the remains
like a fiendish creature
till the last is no more but what is
mine.
i see him in the eyelids
till the light bursts through
and then he desolves
with it and
me.

i remove the cigar once again
from it's tube and spark the torch;
toss the cigar
and hide the tube in a sock
to love me later.
I love the last line.

What I got out of this may not be what you had in mind, but I know you appreciate any thoughts, whether they're yours or not. Sorry I couldn't give a deeper critique - I don't know else to say other than I really like it!
#10
your verb choice is immaculate. what can I say? you know when to use movement and when to use stasis and its a pleasure to be able to give myself (as a reader) to a poet who I can completely trust is in absolute control, knows where he is going, and knows the only route to get there. I gotta leave it at that, will return if possible.
#11
Quote by ottoavist


caressed his bottom lip with
the cigar not lit, yet.

Really enjoyed how lip and lit made this flow, with the almost rhyme.

a mission is in store, in loveless
cooperation for
matters most secret; Saul fiddles
numbed thumbs
and hums knotted thoughts
loudly to all of the nothing surrounding.

I think there are a few too many line breaks here which made it really jerky for me to read, the rhymes kind of of carry you through, but it's an effort. Perhaps this is intentional.

he is nude on the couch
with a plate, hooter and razor;
he is pierced with lust and coffee
and the microwave smells of an
acetone justice, just follow
the track-marks all the way
to his tear ducts.

This is solid and flows much better, interesting wordplay.

this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open
so no matter how hard the eyes
are shut
an imprisoned soul is revealed

Again pretty solid, maybe a little weaker than the previous section.

to every sense and angle
he lifts the baggie
and orgasms
he chews the remains
like a fiendish creature
till the last is no more but what is
mine.
i see him in the eyelids
till the light bursts through
and then he desolves
with it and
me.

Some quite stark and vivid images here.

i remove the cigar once again
from it's tube and spark the torch;
toss the cigar
and hide the tube in a sock
to love me later.

Brings the piece full circle and closes it off nicely.


Overall an enjoyable read with some really strong images and flow in places.
#12
The flow is impeccable. But it's you, and I'd be more surprised if it wasn't, so let's get beyond that. The reader knows your references because it is their life, their tracks they were on the wrong side of, opening their car windows right as they hit the edge of town, cigarette not hanging but dutifully at attention, air being sucked through as if only oxygen was being filtered. Maybe it is. I know the hums Saul loudly announces, and I know Saul.

This is a high that few elements can replicate - this is a downer that produces insights on philosophy and the boss' daughter. Who are you, and what is your perspective in all this? He is alone, but you are there with your eyes closed, fingers touching eyelids for those bright and pretty lights, narrating the world around this person we're supposed to feel for, our friend. Your friend. You. Tell us more. Why are socks always dirty? Why is delayed gratification always tragic?

this is the way elements
are broken down
and seduced into the most
confusing sort of romance
and this is the way
humans are cracked open
so no matter how hard the eyes
are shut

this is how it's done. open up the shell, kent, and reveal our insides to those that need to be disgusted, horrified, and lovingly beaten into submission.
#13
Aw... congrats Kent
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#14
Most enjoyable read I've encountered on this site. I thank you a thousand times for this. It does confuse me a bit, though. It makes me wonder, do you make a living off of this? If not, you certainly could, and i recommend it. Who wants a real job anyways? Not to say writing isn't a real job, I just don't think of it as a 'job' kind of job.

Anyways, It was amazing. There was not a single line that didn't blow me away. At first it knocked me off my feet, and then, line after line, it kept me from catching my breath. Brilliant.
#15
It was shakey at first, but after I got into it, twas great. Definitely something special
btw
#17
You are one of the very few writers, if not the only one on here, with any original style. The words are strategically placed and the flow is rivaled only by a river. Everyone here trys to hard to be "different" and have an edge. The thing is...they aren't. However, your knife sharpens itself, and the edge is more deadly with every verse. That is talent my friend. Hope all is well, Happy New Year.

-Nick
Quote by ottoavist

i suppose there's a chance
i'm just a litte too shallow to consider
that maybe i've been a little more eager
each day to wake up and take a shower
brush my teeth and smile for the mirror
#18
Really enjoyed this, kept getting better and better as it went along. Congrats on the WotW.