#1
Diamond eyes posessing
Dragging me some low
A look in my direction
Sends into an overload

Now that she's got my attention
She's the only thing I see
Whatever her intention
This witch is wild and she's putting a spell on me

Diamond eyes posessing
And when there shining down on me
Feel's like i'm in heaven
Gliding on angel wings

Now that she's got my attention
She's the only thing I see
Whatever her intention
This witch is wild and she's putting a spell on me
#2
I'm but a beginning lyricist, but I'll try my best to give you a piece of honest critique

Careful about clichés - diamonds, angels and stuff like that! I think "eyes like diamond" or something like it was warned against in the lyrics-tips thread But tbh, I don't mind clichés (I probably use them myself a lot!) if they convey the emotion and message well - and I think your poem does.
Intention and attention is a wonderful wordplay - but again, the last line in the refrain doesn't flow very well (it might with music, of course) and is a bit cliché

(And not meaning to be a nazi, be careful of spelling errors - "possessing" - "feels" - "I'm" - "they're" )

With all that said, I find these lyrics quite striking - I'm sure most people would be able to identify themselves with this, at some point in their life keep it up!
#4
thanks xfilth for the critque. dispite your oservation of cliches and my horrible spelling your response seems positive. i'm sure over time i could changes things up a bit and improve it considering i wrote it in about 5 minutes. regardless, i was unsure about the song so thanks again for the reply.

i'll have to get into a Dio or Danzig mindset to tap into a black magic mindset.