#1
It's a kind of sad song... about a good friend that is not really a friend anymore.. some parts you may not get because you don't know what I'm talking about.

Tell me what you think


Why does the world

Hate me today

No one will listen

To word I have to say



Friends are turning evil

And I’m going mad

I really miss the good times

That we used to have


CHORUS:
Now it’s gone

It’s all gone

I can’t keep waiting

For this man to come



Meet little people

That try to act big

Taking everything

And acting like a pig



Can’t think on his own

Always must follow

If all are drinking poison

He would also swallow



CHORUS



Used to help me through

But now doesn’t care

Forgot that I helped him

Though his worst scares



Now I feel hopeless

A pathetic little slob

Now I have no one

To help me do the job



CHORUS
Last edited by bobthebum16 at Aug 3, 2016,
#3
Quote by sydbarrett?
not bad, i would probably suggest changing it to "and act like a pig" but that's just me


Wouldn't fit as well with the rhythm... thanks for the suggestion though
#4
Quote by bobthebum16


Now it’s gone

It’s all gone

I can’t keep waiting

For this man to come



This part is the only part in the thing that doesn't rhyme which kind of throws me off but i guess if it wasn't possible or anything then it's ok but it still stands out to me.

Quote by bobthebum16


Used to help me through

But now doesn’t care

Forgot that I helped him

Though his worst scares



The words "scares" doesn't sound all that good in here. i would have tried to maybe find a word that flowed a bit more and also sounds like more of a word than "scares".

Anyways, these are all just my opinions all the rest is really good.
#5
Quote by neonfire999
This part is the only part in the thing that doesn't rhyme which kind of throws me off but i guess if it wasn't possible or anything then it's ok but it still stands out to me.



The words "scares" doesn't sound all that good in here. i would have tried to maybe find a word that flowed a bit more and also sounds like more of a word than "scares".

Anyways, these are all just my opinions all the rest is really good.


Thanks and thanks for the suggestions!
#6
Why does the world

Hate me today

No one will listen

To word I have to say [good, no changes]


Friends are turning evil

And I’m going mad

I really miss the good times

That we used to have [good]


CHORUS:
Now it’s gone

It’s all gone

I can’t keep waiting

For this man to come [needs to rhyme to be better]

maybe "for you to get on" it would sound better, and



everything else is good

Meet little people

That try to act big

Taking everything

And acting like a pig


Can’t think on his own

Always must follow

If all are drinking poison

He would also swallow


CHORUS


Used to help me through

But now doesn’t care

Forgot that I helped him

Though his worst scares


Now I feel hopeless

A pathetic little slob

Now I have no one

To help me do the job
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#7
Sup baab. I loved the second verse. In the first verse though, the word hate might be too direct. To spice it up a bit, you should use a synonym. I agree with the guy above me, I think the chorus is the only thing that really needs work.
Quote by turd_ferguson
[0:17] If my parents knew I was part of a group who celebrated christmas by drinking cough syrup they would probably cry

WEATHERER, the greatest band ever.