#1
Hey guys,

Back again with another relationship one, however this one's got a slight difference to it - with a tang that August Burns Red might bring to the table.
Structure is a bit rusty, and most of it was spur of the moment (the verses that were thought about and sincerely felt will speak for themselves )
How can I say? It's self empowering in a way, and it helps me to pull myself back together through times when memories depress.
Still with me? Well check it out, and tell me what you think

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgotten

You haunt me most before my sleep
Always, you have me thinking
Though I've erased everything about you
In another world we live in

Gone
But no further than you ever were before
I'm lost
In you more than ever

Everyday
My heart and mind descend
From heights I could only imagine
I feel them falling slowly
As you rise above it all

I want to leave
More than anything
From this murder and this suicide

But I will learn
Away from you
Now that I've found myself
Lost

Now that I've found myself
Lost

I've forgotten the rule
That brought you into me
Ever so softly

I've forgotten
I've forgotten

But I'm so easy to forget
Because seeing you
Would bring me to life
From this dormant underworld
In which we sink in ourselves

It's not your fault
It's not your fault
Reassurance reforms the question

I will learn
Now that I've found myself
Lost in you
#2
this is really good! people can relate to it and it reminds me of when you dream of an ex or something and then those memories start to flourish and pretty much ruin your whole day
#4
I do quite enjoy this, I understand the feeling.
Quote by DownInAHole.
I stuck my dick in a cactus. True story.

#5
Quote by crisisinheaven
Hey guys,

Back again with another relationship one, however this one's got a slight difference to it - with a tang that August Burns Red might bring to the table.
Structure is a bit rusty, and most of it was spur of the moment (the verses that were thought about and sincerely felt will speak for themselves )
How can I say? It's self empowering in a way, and it helps me to pull myself back together through times when memories depress.
Still with me? Well check it out, and tell me what you think

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgotten

You haunt me most before my sleep
Always, you have me thinking
Though I've erased everything about you
In another world we live in
I like the first line, but the other three don't really do anything for me.

Gone
But no further than you ever were before
I'm lost
In you more than ever
This all sounds okay, but not really original.

Everyday
My heart and mind descend
From heights I could only imagine
I feel them falling slowly
As you rise above it all
I like this; it feels a lot more sincere and poetic than all the rest so far.


I want to leave
More than anything
From this murder and this suicide
I really have nothing to say here; it would depend on the context in the song.

But I will learn
Away from you
Now that I've found myself
Lost

Now that I've found myself
Lost
This felt empty, in my opinion.

I've forgotten the rule
That brought you into me
Ever so softly

I've forgotten
I've forgotten
This part's okay.

But I'm so easy to forget
Because seeing you
Would bring me to life
From this dormant underworld
In which we sink in ourselves
Again, feels pretty empty to me.

It's not your fault
It's not your fault
Reassurance reforms the question
"It's not your fault" seems like a good line to bring in, but I'm not so sure about the last line.

I will learn
Now that I've found myself
Lost in you
There were a couple interesting parts, but most of this felt empty to me.


C4C? Anything from my sig would be good.
#6
Thanks very much Herby, you really helped to clarify to me which parts really did connect emotionally and which didn't. I'll be sure to note your suggestions down for future editing