#1
c4c.

Algae encrusted waves pelt the cliff face
carving away at the rocks,
they suck their bones dry on
salty sea air and spit roasts.
plumes of exhaust fuels
float on down the bay
into currents of
scudding foam backwash,
and damp saplings on
receding shorelines,
where mackerel and salmon traps
throb under the sea.
#2
It's two in the morning. Keep that in mind, not all things compute when your brain is dead.

But from what I'm getting here, I'm not getting much. You've given me a pretty description of the sea and then implying that a bunch of fish are dying. So ****ing what? Do you know how many people ate salmon for dinner yesterday and didn't give a damn that the fish had a fishy wife and a small area of the sea that it called its fishy home and like four hundred eggs ready to hatch into its fishy prodigies? The sea looks beautiful, it's actually a death trap. You could have written this how it is in that sentence right there. Give me a connection to the sea, to those fish so it will hurt when you tear them away from me by mangling them in traps. Before you rip the beauty and innocence of the sea away from my hands, you need to give me a reason to want to hold onto it. More of a reason than the fact that it's pretty.

Good piece nevertheless. Probably some things I missed, in fact I almost know there are. I'll sleep on it along with everything else there is to sleep on tonight. G'night.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
If that's not what it's about, then the meaning completely escaped me and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Whatever's going on, go deal with it. Have some time to yourself and do mentally what you need to do but know that if you need to talk about it whatever it is, we're all here to help.

Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#5
at the risk of conducting an echo, my perspective is drenched with a sense of incompletion. what great descriptions you have here, and also the 'would/could'-be impact is in clear sight. what a shame it doesn't have the reach.

maybe you could drop a line on mine? i'll edit in a link: filter-dope Saulm.
There's a road that leads to the end of all suffering. You should take it.


- Jericho Caine


secret, aaaaagent maaan.
secret, aaaaagent maaan.
Last edited by ottoavist at Dec 30, 2009,
#6
here's yet another echo... the imagery is beautiful. You did a lovely job. It just doesn't mean anything as is, at least not to me, and I honestly am trying.

is the title meant to be remniscent of Beck or no?
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#7
It feels very unfinished. It wants to be longer, at least I think so. Otherwise, beautiful imagery as always. I'm sure you're aware, but the title is a Beck album, so maybe it could be changed.
#8
Yes I do agree this is unfinished, i'll work on this I wanted to keep this genuine/real and not go "oh my god look what has changed" thanks everyone for the help, it's appreciated alot.

Yeah 'sea change' is one of my favorite albums but I'm not referencing him here really as a person more of an idea, i'll consider.