#1
A 9 and a half minute song reminiscent of Mastodon's 'The Last Baron'. I wrote it when I was randomly strumming on my acoustic. I intended for it to be mellow and relaxing and I kinda hope that I achieved that atmosphere (at least until bar 89). It's a pretty simple to play song but I think it works pretty well. I've been writing it for about 2 months now (not continuously) and I wanted to get some outside critique, so thanks.

EDIT: Ignore the 'vocals' that should be lead. It used to be vocals
Attachments:
07 - The Aftermath.zip
Last edited by leotus at Jan 4, 2010,
#2
Hey cool, I wrote a song called the aftermath before haha. I'm gonna try something different and crit as I listen.

Intro sounds pretty cool, but some changes just seem odd or dissonant. I know it keeps developing, but it gets kind of repetitive after a while. Bar 32 is what I expected it to be. The guitars are way to quiet, that's not really relevant to the writing, but I'm having trouble hearing the parts. The clean riff is really getting kind of annoying now. Maybe change the pattern instead of Quarter-eighth-eighth-eighth-eighth. I really like the transition to 89. 131 sounded really pleasant, I would love to hear that recorded. I found the repetition at 159 slightly odd. It seemed kinda unneeded. 163 was sick. 230, I like the "going back to the beginning" idea, but once again I think it goes on for a little too long. At first I though 281 was a weird way to end the song, but then I saw what you were going for at 283. That's it? A 9.5 minute song? Wow! I really liked it. My review was so short cause I was mostly focusing on what I didn't like, and there was really little of what I thought was slightly off. I think it would sound really sick recorded! Some things seemed a little stretched out, but I guess a 10 minute song would seem to be a little stretched, but man, those 10 minutes just flew. Nice job!
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


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#3
Thanks. The thing about the intros with the acoustic guitars is that on guitar pro it seems repetitive but with vocals over the top the song truly becomes understandable so sorry about that. Thanks for the praise and I understand that some thing are dragged out. I'll work on that.
#4
Time to finish this crit.

The intro reminds me of another song, but i cant think what it is. anyway it's good, nice build up of chords.
distortion sounds fine. The fact that it should be 6/8 is still frustrating me
return to acoustic fits fairly well. solo is pretty cool, drums are getting terribly repetitive by now, you need some drum fills here and there.
transition to 89 is odd, i dont really like it, but the lead riff at 89 and the harmony that follows is ****ing awesome, nice work.
bars 111-132 were really boring, i couldn't hear a solo there...
strange choice of acoustic chords there, they sound far too poppy and happy.
actually once the distortion kicks in it sounds a lot better, i like what youve gone for there, its a nice change from the rest of the song.
the riff starting at 163 is pretty crazy, i like it. although that riff is 4 bars of 7/8 not 3 of 4/4 and 1 of 2/4. please sort that the time signatures out, its really annoying!
riff at 171 is incredibly cool, love it. harmony is nice too.
return to that cool riff from earlier at 200 sounded forced but its nice to hear that bad boy again. again the next riff bored me.
the return to the acoustic bit worked but i got bored to be honest, it seemed lazy to just return to that.
Overall its a decent song but it seems like you tried to write a long song rather then writing a song naturally that turns out to be rather long. the drums bored me so much, that need a shake up. ad the time signatures need sorted out where mentioned.
Last edited by frankibo at Jan 3, 2010,
#6
overall very interesting piece, i loved most of it. Mixes styles together and some of it is pretty original
chord progressions get a bit repetitive, for example around bar 210.
Solos were nice but you really need to turn them up and mess with the volumes.
Whole thing goes back and forth a bit too much for me, once and twice changing dramatically is nice but id say dont overuse that concept

whole thing felt a bit long for me, but without vocals that isnt really a fair point
very nice track mate, keep it up
#7
I came in here expecting some mindless Origin sweeps, needless to say I am very let down =( haha
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#9
@cptazad... dude... what the hell?

and @axe_thrasher - yeah man it is the outro track on my album so that means I made a good decision. And thank you kindly.
#10
Quote by leotus
@cptazad... dude... what the hell?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyVEHFy_NLc
"Our revenge so everlasting sweet,
Enslave your Children, Behead the weak,
Kill every last Man, Woman and Machine
The cleansing has begun.
Your meek defense is foolish,
we come from the stars a trillion strong."
#12
it was really awesome!

felt very epic and i really loved the solos.
i liked your variation beetween clean and distorted parts.
Well yeah, the song kicked ass
#13
Sorry about the time signatures guys. By the time I realised how awkward it all was, I'd written the whole song. To change it now would take alot of work for the sake of it looking better, I suppose that makesme incredibly lazy. And yeah I know the drums are boring, I'm not a drummer

I honestly wrote this song with the intention of it being short, it just worked out as long. I'll try and work on the repetitiveness. And I understand the riff gets boring from 111. Thanks for the crit frankibo.

Thanks for the compliments pettah, I've critted yours.
#14
Critting as I listen:

1 - this is a very... stale progression to me. I feel like I've heard it before. It's still good, but it feels like it's from somewhere...

9 - This is a good change... I enjoyed it! The second chord seems a bit too dissonant for this though, especially if you're going for something chill.

26 - This is my favorite part so far. I'm really enjoying these chords. They sound VERY good. Better than the ones before it!

32 - This is the BEST part so far. I really enjoy the distortion guitars. I feel they should be as loud as the acoustics are, though. They only deserve it.

Solo - Where is the solo? I hear a note every now and then... but it's mostly just the acoustic. I also think it's in dire need of bass. Just up the soloing guitar. It's not a bad solo once you can hear it.

77 - A bit too repetitive for my tastes.. if anything, you could have added bass to it to make it somewhat different.

89 - Yes! Finally! Some interesting lines! This part I'm thoroughly enjoying. At 99 you could have done a mini-solo or something. This sounds a lot better than teh acoustic stuff you had goign earlier, just because it is different, and isn't being drowned out (the acoustic stuff was good still, just too much of the same thing, y'know?)

129 - This sounds like a different song to me... I think it could be pushed into two movements, know what I mean?

139 - I like the melody given here. It's good, and it breaks the monotony. I think a good countermelody would work wonders here though, especially for holding people's attention. At this point in the song I feel like it's dragging on...

164 - This is good stuff. It has some pace to it, and it's different from teh other stuff.

171 - A great verse riff. It transitions smoothly from the riff before. i do have to admit, this reminds me a lot of stuff like Iron Maiden xD I dunno if htat's what you were going for, but that's what I got.

200 - We're back here! sweet. I think you could have changed up the rhythm guitar. Make it play the bass note in 16th notes or something. Just something to change it up.

228 - I think you could have arpeggiated instead of doing the same exact thing as before. Arpeggiations would have done a lot for the song.

263 - Once I upped the vocal line, it made it sound much better... now you need to up the distorted guitars. Really up them in lots of places.

281 - I enjoyed the seventh chord the two guitars made as the last note ringing. I think that would have been a better way to end it, personally.

Overall, it's an alright song. Lots of mixing issues and it suffers the disease known as repetition, but it's something that can be worked out.

I give it an 7.5/10.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1253711
#15
diminished fifth... thanks for the in-depth crit and i'll make sure to crit yours. Are you suure you had RSE on and the guitars all set to a decent effect. Sometimes, I've noticed that effects and things can get jumbled in transition, maybe not :\
#16
Quote by leotus
diminished fifth... thanks for the in-depth crit and i'll make sure to crit yours. Are you suure you had RSE on and the guitars all set to a decent effect. Sometimes, I've noticed that effects and things can get jumbled in transition, maybe not :\

Haha I didn't have RSE on xD
Now that I'm goign back and listening with it, everything stands out more, I didn't know to, though. Well, it does sound better with RSE, still a glaring lack of bass in most sections and the other problems are still there (aside from mixing, of course). It sounds a lot better mixed when I have RSE on, though.

Sorry about that ^^;

Another thing, I would turn down the RSE distortion guitars from being so high on the transition to distortion after the solo. It gets very muddy when they're so loud. In RSE, I like to have my distorted guitars at about 12 at most (usually) and my drums at about... 9. This is just where it sounds best to me, anyways.
Last edited by DiminishedFifth at Jan 4, 2010,
#18
i crit yours a while back, i just updating the post i made earlier. sorry for not letting you know earlier
#19
Thanks for the crit champ

The intro progression is very simple, but once the second guitar embelishes the melodies, it starts to get somewhere - from this, I can tell there's going to be a big build-up throughout. The semitonal dissonance in the third chord (Bmaj7) doesn't really interfere with the flow, but it adds to the melancholic atmosphere, which was nice.
Just one little thing though! This section would probably be better notated as 4 bars of 3/4 rather than 3 of 4/4 EDIT: May bad, I just saw it's been mentioned :P:

When the vocal track comes in, I can almost hear Brent Hinds quirky voice taking the role, gradually building up in intensity. What I like is the use of one theme with additional layers being added - though they were only subtle, the extended harmonies and timbres were great.

Transition to distortion was well done, and it was nice to hear that the volume wasn't overpowering, as is standard in these sorts of climaxes. But who was solo?! I saw in an earlier post it was just a Guitar Pro malfunction, so I upped the volume to sit in with - not necessarily overpowering - the acoustic guitars. It was a nice addition to the texture of the piece with all the repeated melodic ostinatos in different modes/registers, which was great to hear (plus, it went hand-in-hand with the progression in intensity of the song thus far).

77 - At this point, a melodic, mid register bass-line would be cool, to break up the monotony of the chord progression, and it could serve to embellish the harmonies and melodies a little more. Not much to say here. However...

89 - Nice! A very slick line, and the change in pace and structure was a warm welcome. The sludgey chords afterwards were another neat variation, and some vocals would be killer here, particularly some more wacky counter-vocals at the half-time breaks. My only concern here is the transitioning on the drums; some rolls or slurs before change in feels can give the listener a hint at what's coming, and also reinforce the intensity, which seems to be the mission here.

129 onward - It's really welcoming to hear a change in tempo; the feel here is so surreal and ethereal, which I really like. I'm loving the illusion of density, despite only two guitars and drums playing. The note's here really compliment one another, which really adds to that illusion of density, I find. but oh shi-

163 onward - Well this caught me off guard! Another tasty change in pace, and the harmonies used here again were effective. It was cool to hear the transition between the doom-y pentatonics and a more straight-forward thrash sound; which then turned into an 80's metal anthem with the third harmonies. Good, flowing transitions here (and the 2/4 bars fit nice and snugly), and the change in pace was definitely welcome.

200 - Awesome! Very nice revisitation of the earlier theme, and a little surprising too, considering the tempo change. The harmonic minor progression overlapping the doom progression was a nice touch too.

230 onward - I haven't got much to say here, but I liked how the layers and pace continued to build gradually, before dropping out completely for the outro. For whatever daft reason, I really like endings like that.

Overall, it's a fairly solid piece, but there's a definite issue in repetition throughout. The heavier section relied on interchanging riffs and feel fairly quickly, which fit the chaos of that particular section. But the more ethereal, calm sections - such as the intro - could do with some embellishments (higher and lower, and non-linear harmonies, changing mixing), atmospheric effects (synth pads, delay, panning .etc.) and additional instruments (if only momentarily to accent a certain phrase or whatnot, and a different timbre can really counter monotony in a piece), amongst similar things.
The build-up concept is definitely evident, so it would be really beneficial to hear more obvious examples of this. Also, changing the voicings of your chords could really do the piece justice. Instead of using the same octave shapes with the open strings included for the whole clean section, maybe try using the open or barre chords versions for the vocal parts, for example. Or extend the voicings by having one guitar play a single note (the seventh or ninth) over the backing chords. This can make a piece sound much bigger while still being minimalistic.

I'll try to get back and update this post if I can think up anything else, and if there's anything I can be more specific, feel free to ask.



Alex
Last edited by juckfush at Jan 4, 2010,
#20
Wow thanks for the awesome crit man. I'm gonna start editing the song and keep everyone's crit in mind with my number one priority being: repetition.

Thanks man.
#21
Sorry about the late crit. I intended on doing it earlier but my uni just started so got kind of busy with that. Thanks for reminding me. I'm critting as I listen.

I like the intro chord progression, and how it slowly develops into harmonies. Very beautiful. Transition from soft to hard is very fluent, though the transition back seems rather abrupt. A fade out would probably do the trick though. The simplicity of the solo is nice. I have a problem with the long harmonic in bar 56-58. You could possibly hold the fret and vibrato? I like the descending run in bars 71-72. Tasty. Lack of a bass guitar is... irksome. Solo ends abruptly... like its nice but it doesn't lead to a new area of the song. I'd say cut 77-82 out or put vocals there.

Transition between dynamics is nice in bars 87-88. I'd let the acoustic guitar ring out but that's more of a guitar pro issue. I should mention here that I think your volume settings are probably adjusted for rse, right? Because I'm having to redo them every time you use the mixer table. No vox in 99-110? I think a strong vocal melody would sit quite well there. And your solo lacks a solo. Oh wait, nvrmnd. You're probably working on it :P.

Bar 128-131 transition didn't work too well for me. The chord progression feels out of place until about 139 when everything coems together. I like it now. In bars 143-146, you could do something different than all half notes. Gets boring, maybe throw a quarter note here and there playing the fifths of whatever note you were originally playing. Again, the lack of a bass drum is painfully obvious. This section is pretty uplifting actually, a nice change. Oh wait, damn. Bar 163 took me by surprise. Nice transition into the whole thrashy feel, went very smoothly.

And back to familiar riffing.... Aha, an acoustic section again. This would probably be the outro and the section that just passed the climax of the song? Nice idea to reintroduce the drums... I'd keep the acoustic guitars going in the background and let the distorted guitars do their thing. That would sound sweet imo.

Pretty decent overall. You just need to do a few things here and there and it'd be sweet. Firstly, finish off the solos and the vocal melodies. The vocals seem like they could really take this song to another level. Also, smooth out some of those transitions. It would help quite a bit. Hmm... that's it. It's a really nice song. Oh wait, bass. It needs bass. I know its midi and all but even in that format the lack of bass takes so much away. And if you write the bass, try getting it to do occasional doodles here and there as opposed to just doing root notes.

EDIT: Like a lot of the other guys here, I expected tons of sweeps and atonal riffing.
Last edited by Limaj_daas at Jan 9, 2010,
#23
^Its no big deal. Just that on all 64bit systems, the midi instuments and the rse instruments don't match up. The midi has like a few ms delay, which is irksome.