#1
Alright my first piece, it's probably terrible but whatever.

Deep dark corners of this mind
The memories I left behind
I thought I could move on
Yet again I'm wrong.

It keeps on seeping through
To haunt me out the blue,
I wish I could forget
But I'm living with regret.

There's this constant voice
Saying it's the wrong choice
It's driving me insane
This anger I can't contain.

It keeps on seeping through
To haunt me out the blue,
I wish I could forget
But I'm living with regret.

If I could rewind
and go back in time
To change how it turned out
I would without a doubt
To make everything alright
God damn this hindsight.

It keeps on seeping through
To haunt me out the blue,
I wish I could forget
But I'm living with regret.
Last edited by renny05 at Jan 1, 2010,
#2
A very good effort for your first piece! I like the chorus in particular, as they really hit home the point you are getting across. However, the rhyming occassionally seems a little forced e.g "To change how it turned out, I would without a doubt." Also, a few slightly more complex words would be nice, but I'm sure your vocabulary as a lyricist will improve over time. Well done! Keep writing.
#3
The line "without a doubt" cracks the rhythm for a second, see if you can add another short word there and it will flow great.

Crit mine please. https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1261493
My obligatory gear list

Guitars
Schecter C-1 Classic
Gibson SG Special
1987 Fender Strat
Epiphone PR-150

Amp and Effects
Peavey Valveking 112
Boss DD-6
Crybaby Wah-wah
Ibanez TS-9DX
Banshee 2 Talkbox


Crit plz! Wh ore of Gommorah