#1
This is just a poem I wrote in class. I was just thinking about all the legalistic and judgemental people we encounter and how they are just as bad as the people they crit.
Well you can crit. this.

The Pharisee Heresy

Some people say it’s heresy
To wear a skimpy skirt.
I think you’re just a Pharisee
For digging up their dirt.

To church some people go today
In jeans and sketchy top.
Do you think that this is okay?
You may, but some do not.

Upon the surface lies the lie
Beneath is something more.
Instead of judging we should try
To council, not deplore.

Now Now children, no flaming.

Quote by Cous Cous =>
one day
these yu-gi-oh cards will pay off my mortgage
#2
I would agree that wearing one’s patriotism on their sleeve in the form of lapel pins, bumper stickers or dress is not necessarily an expression of patriotism.

I don’t agree that, “It’s an expression of nationalism and the idea that Americans are somehow better than the rest of the world.”

A few weeks after 9/11, while driving through a small town in Wyoming, I noticed how many residents and businesses were flying the American flag. I felt overcome and wept at the unifed expression of silent patriotism demonstrated in this town. I felt it was about time….a small demonstration of unified dignity was a long-time coming. I can still get teary-eyed at the thought. It was much better to see this than the flag being burned, or Viet Nam Vets being spat on by war demonstrators and protestors. For me the flag stands as a great symbol of freedom and personal ideals. I’m grateful to be a citizen of this country, despite it’s many flaws.
_______________________________________________________
steroids
Viajar París
#3
Good poem, what class you write it in, english literature?

Two points:

a) Rhymes well, good rhythm while reading it.
b) Its is truthful of how some people think.

I like it.
I morgon ska vi dö, valkyriorna och valhall väntar på oss när vi är död!
Stuff;
-Gibson LP standard 2002
-Peavey VK112
-Marshall JCM2000
-Boss GT-6
#4
I wrote it in Bible class actually. And thanks for the crit.
BTW, what in the world is rhias talking about? I agree with what he's saying, but that has nothing to do with my poem.

Now Now children, no flaming.

Quote by Cous Cous =>
one day
these yu-gi-oh cards will pay off my mortgage
#5
sorry if any of this sounds harsh, im not trying to attack anything. just trying to help you improve.
alright well I like how you keep everything focused but it reads dully. It doesnt make me care anymore about this than i did before. It doesnt touch my emotions. you gotta break out of just preaching something in plain words like this. skimpy skirt and other descriptions didnt create images. they just dragged by. Also the inversion of To church some people go today for the sake of the rhyme seemed silly given the syntax and diction and overall colloquialism of the surrounding language. It didnt qualify itself to do something like that.

basically, this didnt scrape much past the surface. It was nice, and shows thought but doesnt create thought which would make a poem of this subject worthwhile.

hope that helps in the future some.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me