#1
I'm interested in getting into writing some more, this is mainly practice, but I like it. Crit please!


Prowling around like hunger
Taking what I can
I pursue
I overtake


Mouth open like a lion
I'll swallow you whole
I devour
I shame


Slithering in 'til I'm...
...Everything around you, 'til I'm
what you want, til I'm what you need
'til i'm what you are
and you're just like me.

I pursue
I overtake

Lost dog bites
You'll learn to like it
tail between my legs
like I did anything.
#2
I really like the personification in verse 1. It puts a new spin on a typical image.

I don't really understand "I shame" in context with the rest of verse 2.

Overall, the imagery and phrasing are excellent in this piece, I guess I don't understand the message though. Care to crit mine?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1254551
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my parents beat me for a's. I was like wtf and they were like just keeping you on your toes.

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