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These are the competition rules:

* There can be multiple winners.

* You will not know what you win until the competition ends.

* You will win by having the most convincing, creative & original argument for why you should win.

* One argument per user.

* You can argue for someone else (But remember, you then can't argue for yourself).

* Arguments must be no less than 100 words.

* I will be the only judge.

* Flattery and/or bribes will not work.

* This will run for about a week.

* Oh and one last thing:

This is not a pipe
Would we post our arguments in here?
Here you go:

My dissertation as to why I should win.

An argument implies that a side has been chosen.

However there are no sides to choose in this competition.
Anybody and everybody can win. Or lose. Because we don't know
what we are competing for or what criteria we shall be judged upon.
All we know for certain is we have been asked to dance for the camera.
I dance like a drunken baboon so dance I shall. If I fail it is because
I am merely another drunken baboon in a cage full of monkeys. And we all
know monkeys like to fling poo at one another.

I have read other "arguments" from UGer's that their profile views carry
weight in this competition.
I have read others assertions that they make relevant and timely posts.
I have seen others list multiple user names and their association with
said users.
None of this matters.
I have seen a multitude of posts that didn't make ten words let alone one
hundred. Woe to you.

The only thing of any importance in this competition is to recognize
the very fact that it has no importance what so ever.
Once we realize this truth then we are truly free to compete.

And compete I shall.

But it's really not all that important so I shall open another beer and
watch the rest of you dance. While I fling poo. That is the reason why I
will win.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
Last edited by Jackal58 at Jan 5, 2010,
But it was closed!

Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
Because I was first post.

EDIT: FUUUUUUU- I should have expected that. And looks like I was a tad short anyways. Oh well, I'll come up with something later.

Schecter V-1 Hellraiser FR
Epiphone Special Model LP
Ruben Flores Classical
Peavey Vypyr 75
Cry Baby Wah
Last edited by alastors_blade at Jan 2, 2010,
Quote by RPGoof
So I'm assuming the deadline is next saturday at sometime and we submit it via PM?
Just post here.
Can we post pictures? You know pictures say more than a thousand words.
Sure I'll join but what if I dont submit something, and I think they should be PM'ed so people dont steal other people's arguements to strengthen their owns
Originally Posted by smb
I'm an arrogant bastard - I thought I was good before I'd plucked a note. I was right, of course.

Quote by MetalBass 77
sonsie knows all
Quote by Carmel
Yup, just make sure I can tell it's your argument, not a random rant.

Very well. I shall take a day or two to decide if I wish to participate and then edit my post accordingly.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
Quote by Kensai
Can we post pictures? You know pictures say more than a thousand words.
Nah, unless it's captioned with over 100 words. Although there wouldn't be a lot of picture left.
Quote by Kensai
Can we post pictures? You know pictures say more than a thousand words.

As additional visual aids. Still gotta have 100 words. And no really large images.
This is not a pipe
Quote by Kensai
Can we post pictures? You know pictures say more than a thousand words.
But hunny, a picture of you just leaves me breathless.
Edit: This post is now my argument.
Starting after this line:

I believe I should win for 6 reasons.

Reason 1) I'm a 2010 user.
I joined UG on New Year's Day, 2010. I'm the first 2010er (that I know of) that is actively posting. And this competition is to celebrate 2010, we mustn't forget that. And since I'm a 2010 joiner, I should be what we are celebrating. Therefore, celebrate me by giving me a gift. :3

Reason 2) I haven't made a complete fool out of myself (yet).
Maybe the prize for winning this competition is a ban, courtesy of Carmel. If so, then yeah, I suppose I would be a definite fool, and a tool. However, as of now, in my two day career in posting here, I haven't made everyone ridicule me for my noobiness. I'd say that's quite an accomplishment.

Reason 3) I have a pixelated Mario avatar.
I haven't seen anyone else with this avatar. And the background for it is turquoise. Turquoise is fun. So is Mario. Classic and classy.

Reason 4) McSweeney is my name.
Don't wear it out.

Reason 5) I got a pack of gum from one of my grandpa for Christmas.
That's it. My grandpa is by no means old fashioned though, so that's no excuse. And he's not poor either; he owns a prosperous local car dealership and a carwash. And he gave me a pack of gum. I want a better gift

Reason 6) I love you.
Marry me. Right now.

That is all.
Last edited by McSweeney at Jan 2, 2010,
I think it's fair to say I've pissed your off quite a bit, Carmel, so I might not fancy answering this.

I write songs.
Currently Requiring Crits:
Well I do believe I should win because I get no respect from anyone, none whatsoever. Actually, I don't deserve to win because I'm sure there are far more deserving people that will post in here. In fact, I'm not even worthy. I hate myself and everything I stand for as I'm sure most people hate me as well. Well hate is a strong word... perhaps dislike is better. Anyways, I suppose I'm too modest. Yeah, on second thought I'll take your stupid prize. Pfft, this wasn't even worth my time. I'm outta here! TAPIOCA!!

EDIT: +I'm a rebel because I had under 100 words until I did this sentence saying I'm a rebel for having under 100 words, so I guess I just lost the game...

PS. Meow.

(Also I may write a song if I have time since I always enjoy writing)
Originally Posted by happytimeharry
Your avatar is creepy, yet incredibly hypnotic...

I do what I can

Originally Posted by FiNNi
@AlterEdge: On a side note, I laughed when I noticed pedobear was your avatar

Me too... me too...
Last edited by AlterEdge at Jan 4, 2010,

Now, look children, this faggy looking pathetic excuse for a boy up there needs some love. Spending days looking at 4chan and staying ahead of /b/ has rendered his face too, well, you decide.

But he is cute isn't he ^_^

EDIT: May edit this, cause i'm a bit drunk
I should get the award, because I'm great. In fact I should be given two awards, in case one doesn't work.

I also present this picture of me, in the nip, with a dog.
Quote by Zero-Hartman
Damn you, bodyheatseeker

Quote by Paramore.
bodyheatseeker, I will NEVER forgive you.

Last edited by bodyheatseeker at Jan 3, 2010,
pick me just because.
Pick me because I'm adventerous and don't know what it is.
Because I use apostraphes.
Pick me because I'm that dude that wanted to be picked.
Gibson Les Paul Studio 60's Tribute
SX stratocaster
MIA Fender Stratocaster
Vox AD50 Vox AC15C1 Vox AC30CC2X Laney LH50r
Guitar>Joe Bonamossa Crybaby > AquaPuss> Sparkle Drive> Green Rhino> DejaVibe> Amplifier
My argument:

I shall start off unlike most of the others. A majority I have read have been very negative with their posts, saying they aren't good enough in certain aspects and in my opinion that doesn't sound like a winner's mindset.

I think I should win because I am one of the few intelligent users in the pit and have demonstrated my knowledge in the Relationship Thread countless time. I a big competitor in everything I do, especially sports. I think I deserve to win because I'm a winner, not a loser who bashes himself and plays the pity card.

R.I.P. Jeb

Last edited by Freezer Burn at Jan 4, 2010,

I think I should win. It will help the way I see myself. I've been pretty self conscious since I lost my hair doing this:

I also post in the pit pretty much every single day. I believe I've proved my dedication. I'm also pretty badass at ping-pong. If I win, I'll personally fellate every pit monkey.

I'll add more reasons later.
Quote by metalkickTM
migueltherocker: The retarded unicorn-fish of the sea

Quote by ShredHead396

Dude, that was just pure win, i laughed the entire way

first stack ^
Last edited by migueltherocker at Jan 2, 2010,
So the argument is just as to why we should win this thing?

Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
Yes. Why are you better or worse than others, why you're funnier, sexier than others or perhaps why you're more annoying, and not very likeable.
This is not a pipe

I should win (in the sense of this competition anyway as winning could make me become the ultimate loser, but who knows?) because I want to more than anyone in the world ever. If I rated how much I want to win on a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate at 11. That's right, my rating goes up to 11. I'm sure your response to this would be 'why not just make 10 a higher rating?' and you would be correct to respond like this, mainly because it would go along with the shameless theft of a line from This Is Spinal Tap, but that's not all. My rating goes up to 11 for one reason, and one reason alone; because it sounds fucking br00talz! it can. Of course, I'm sure this argument won't cut it with most of you, but I'm afraid I have no other reason.
So, why shouldn't I win? This may seem to be a foolish question to include in an argument of why I should win, but please, bear with me. I don't know why I shouldn't win and, as this group shows, I have 793 years of education, so surely I can't be wrong. You may say 'but this education could be nursery level education, it doesn't make you smart' and, as before, you would be right to say this. But, as someone with 793 years of top quality education, I can tell you that the 793 years of education was top quality. I challenge you to find something wrong with that argument.

Thank you for reading.
Last edited by opc100 at Jan 2, 2010,
Quote by Carmel
or perhaps why you're more annoying, and not very likeable.

Deadline is next Saturday?

Quote by CrossBack7
Momie's like not even a real person, just an asian, lesbian spirit.
This is my argument:

Ever since I entered this thread I've been wanting to win this completely useless competition. I can eat, I can sleep and I can think of other things to do besides posting this, but still, I want to win. If I win I will use my surprise-gift to do good in the world... of UG.
Not knowing what the prize is makes me want it even more and I think I deserve it because I rarely post spam or other useless posts, and ever more rarely make constructive contributions.
I even wrote a song as to why I should win; "I wish I would win, so my head wouldn't
like a thing that spins and never wins. Fin"
People are bastards. Bastardcoated bastards with bastardfilling.

I believe I should win. But why, I hear you cry? Gracious, what kind of abominable place would the world be if folk needed justification for every confounded statement they made, eh? Do you think Lieutenant Peawade would have earned himself that Victoria Cross in Crimea if he had stopped and questioned the orders of his superiors? Would, I ask you, would Brigadier Goodbody have lead his men in a final desperate charge to protect those British cannon if he had stopped to ponder the reasons of his current existence? I don't jolly well think so, old chap. Suffice it to say that I believe it is my right, nay, my destiny, to claim this prize, for Queen and country! For Britannia! Huzzah!

🙈 🙉 🙊
I think I'll just have to do this. Even if just for the lulz. Goodbye homework, hello winning.
THIS IS MY ARGUMENT, I believe I should win because I understand the true concept of this "contest". You are really trying to see if people will make up arguments why they should win a contest where the prize could be either bad. Which, as shown in this thread, they will. I believe this is a result of two things; natural curiosity, and the "domination" gene.

I will start by explaining what I mean by natural curiosity. All humans are "pre-programmed" (for lack of a better word) with a natural curiosity (although, any second grader should know that). This natural curiosity was triggered by you not announcing what the prize was and stating "it could be either good, or bad". If you had said that the prize was a bucket of snakes being dumped on your head, then the only reply would be from Alice Cooper. If you had said that the prize would be a brand new car, then you would most likely get desperate arguments from everyone on UG. Because the prize was not announced, then you get half-assed, minimum requirement-meeting replies from varying people.

The second thing I believe this is a result of is the "domination gene". What I mean by that is that every human on Earth has this deep aspiration to be the "king of the hill" so to speak. This can be seen from as early as a child trying to be elected class president, to a middle aged man trying to get a promotion. Everyone wants these things but only one can have it. As is the same with this contest (or more likely psychological experiment) everyone wants this secret prize but only one member can have it. Which is why every member tries to show that they deserve the prize when in reality no one has done anything particularly exciting to "deserve" said prize, including me.

Which brings me to my last and final statement. No one deserves anything. A lot of what we do is not grand, or astonishing, or even remotely extraordinary. We sit behind our desks and write arguments or speeches as you want to call them. Most of them you probably won't even read, and most of them you probably shouldn't read. I would not be surprised if I lose this contest, because I'm not a professional argument writer. I haven't gone to college (hell, I'll be lucky if I graduate High School), and to top things off I'm sitting here explaining evolutionary traits (rather poorly, I might add) when I'm a ****ing creationist! So I'm not gonna say anything along the lines of "pick me" or "I should win". I only want one prize here. I would like you to read this, accept that I know nothing about what I'm talking about, and try not to poke holes in my crackpot theories.

Thank You
Last edited by i_killed_bill at Jan 2, 2010,
Don't disregard my heritage. Having been brought up in northern Italy, I have complete fluency in the Italian language and some in the French and the regional dialects, as well as deep knowledge of their cultures and norms. Connections with people in both countries.
Along with that, the second half of my upbringing ocurred in Northern Ireland, not the friendliest of places, nor the most angelic. So here comes fluency in English, and Irish English and its charms and slangs, and its regional variations.

And also its threats.

The difference in the two halves of my upbringing are unbelievable. One on hand I have a culture that brought pizza, opera, cheese and the Mafia to the world, whilst on the other, one that brought Guinness, U2, potatoes and the various factions of the IRA. My personal culture is an enlightened mix.

More so when you take into account my year or so of living in Spain. Similar, but different. Sangria, Manuél, paella and ETA. Along with the language...also, Catalan and Portuguese.

I can bring UG and the prize all over Europe, and by means of language, have it appreciated eternally. Or I can bring in terrorist connections to UG, if the prize fails to greet me. ETA, necesito ayudo... Well, is that the IRA? Give us a hand here... Bungiorno Don Giovanni, mi puoi aiutare? And the French? Well, have you smelled their cheeses?
Friends, applaud the comedy is over.

I'd dance with you but...

This competition isn't about me, so I won't bombard you with pointless facts about my life. I'm not fussed in the slightest if I win or not; the chances are I won't even open this thread again, and by tomorrow I will have forgotten all about this. I'm choosing not to continue writing this post - the more I write, the more I contradict myself. In fact, I'm starting to regret even writing this.

Thankyou, and ****.
I should win, because I am not very tall, and am mocked by my brothers about my height. In fact, I am average height, but they are all taller than me, even my two younger brothers. They mock me, but they are the freaks. They call me 'shorty' or 'chibi', and when I complain they say that I have a 'short temper'.
I live off of sausages and chips in my student flat. I modded my Ibanez by putting wood behind the trem and installing an EMG-85.
I had to add to my argument because I read the first post wrong and thought it had to be less than 100 words. I now do not know how many words are in my argument so am trailing so as to make sure I pass the limit.
Dedication to the cause right there.
Last edited by AceOfBlades at Jan 2, 2010,
I should win, because I've been a user since 2006 but I didn't start looking at the pit til 2008, had no idea what 4chan was til 2009, and it's now 2010, and I am eighteen and what is this.
Quote by vintage x metal
My toilet has seen some scenes that one would describe as 'deathcore'
I am Lord-O-Donuts and I should win for various reasons.

I am a friendly individual who likes to help people out. I have never won anything in my life. I have been told quite a lot that my taste in music is good. I don't treat women like shit. My friends think that I'm funny. I don't spam. I act logically and rationally in all situations. I love purple. I frown upon the use of the word "random". I laugh at lame jokes. I love movies and going out. I am addicted to UG. Help me...
Competition entry:
I shouldn’t win. I’m part of a guitar sites forum, and I, in fact, do not actually play the instrument. I’m simply here because a friend told me to join, and have only occasionally posted in the Pit since then. Instead of proving how amazing I am, (because, as I have said, I’m nothing special) I’m just going to prove how awful the general population is. I refuse to resort to useless gimmicks to win, such as posting a picture that makes me seem awesome, or sympathy, or flattery, or even writing a song! Just take a look at the first page, all of these have been done at least once, and everyone who posts things like that just shows how much of a douchebag they are. I want everyone in this thread to know that I hate each and every one of you personally.

Now you all just have to figure out if I was serious or not.
Quote by lespaul1216

Vampiric Lord99: you sir, are my hero