#1
Your cigarette spews ashes,
On my dashboard control,
You ain't interested in car crashes,
Or shipping costs on Petrol.
You wish you were at home,
Stomach pains are your least favorite setting.
You wish you could sit under the dome,
Lie under your dark blue bedding.

You grieve while you think,
Dreaming to you has always been the same.
You really wish you had a drink...
Tired, you've now become, no time to play the game.
You feel like going for a drive,
You can't even move your hand.
You've been accepting many bribes,
You've broken up with your latest band.

You can't remember what date it is,
And, you can't open your eyes.
And, you can't call your friends.
And, you can't use a crutch.
And, you can't ask for help.
And, you can't just lay here and die.
And, you can't just fall asleep and cry.
And, you can't sit sit.
And, you can't rely on drugs.
And, you can't rely on alcohol.
And, you can't fall asleep.
And you can't stay awake.

Down the hall,
lying in your bed,
you here singing,
but not just singing,
a crescendoing...
and it echoes,
and it grows,
til it's all you hear,
and it sounds like atleast 100 are singing,
and the words refuse to leave:

'Repent, repent,
you'll get yours yet,
Repent, repent,
you'll get yours yet,
Repent, repent,
you'll get yours yet...."
My Albums

TALKING LIKE A JERK EXCEPT
YOU ARE AN ACTUAL JERK
AND LIVING PROOF THAT

SOMETIMES FRIENDS ARE MEAN


last.fm
tumblr
Last edited by JackWhite333 at Jan 3, 2010,
#3
i liked it, especially the repetition near the end i felt it left me with a sense of pity for the character - whoever they may be, or who inspired you to write the poem, and in my view of this it seemed to personify and project a life which many people who try and fail the rock in roll dream seem to live highlighted again in the repeated bit which mentions the lack of being able to rely on drugs and alcohol
4/5 i liked it.....now if you want you could comment on my piece
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1255602

, I'd appreciate it

EDIT ...... oh also i didnt really understand the bit about the bribe, could you explain?
Last edited by Libershambles<3 at Jan 3, 2010,
#4
Quote by Libershambles<3
i liked it, especially the repetition near the end i felt it left me with a sense of pity for the character - whoever they may be, or who inspired you to write the poem, and in my view of this it seemed to personify and project a life which many people who try and fail the rock in roll dream seem to live highlighted again in the repeated bit which mentions the lack of being able to rely on drugs and alcohol
4/5 i liked it.....now if you want you could comment on my piece
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1255602

, I'd appreciate it

EDIT ...... oh also i didnt really understand the bit about the bribe, could you explain?

Thanks! I'll check out yours too!

The part about bribes is about the main character keeping away secrets he found out about the people who sell him drugs...The drugs he receives usually contain poison and frequently put him into a coma.
My Albums

TALKING LIKE A JERK EXCEPT
YOU ARE AN ACTUAL JERK
AND LIVING PROOF THAT

SOMETIMES FRIENDS ARE MEAN


last.fm
tumblr
#5
Wow, I really liked it, man. I too like the repetition towards the end, and love the story the poem tells, and the scene it sets. Good phrasing too.
Could you possibly give mine a look over (see link in sig)?
#6
Quote by SonOfSanguinus
Wow, I really liked it, man. I too like the repetition towards the end, and love the story the poem tells, and the scene it sets. Good phrasing too.
Could you possibly give mine a look over (see link in sig)?

Just looked at it.
My Albums

TALKING LIKE A JERK EXCEPT
YOU ARE AN ACTUAL JERK
AND LIVING PROOF THAT

SOMETIMES FRIENDS ARE MEAN


last.fm
tumblr