#1
Fight

Verse 1:
It seems the mechanical power is draining.
The war outside us is waging
But in the heart the fire lies.
The eternal blaze that never dies.

Chorus:
Fight! The power in each of us.
Fight! It's all within reach of us.
Fight! The strength we try to find.
Not in body, but in mind.

Verse 2:
My stamina, it fades.
As the heat and flames invade.
All I hear is screaming.
I watch as if I'm dreaming.

Chorus:
Fight! The power in each of us.
Fight! It's all within reach of us.
Fight! The strength we try to find.
Not in body, but in mind.

End Chorus:
Fight! The power in each of us.
Fight! It's all within reach of us.
Fight! The strength we try to find.
Not in body, but in mind.
Fight!
I enjoy Music



#2
Alright I'm getting a few views but does anyone have any tips or comments? I don't care if they're bad.
I enjoy Music



#5
Nice lyric, the chorus, to me, sounds oriental "Not in body, but in mind." quite a spiritual sound to it.
#6
hey man. i appreciated your comments on my piece. i can definitely see this set to music. the rhymes in a couple places seem forced which i think limits your word choice.

for example:
But in the heart the fire lies.
The eternal blaze that never dies.

overall, i think you got your message across successfully, but some of the things you're talking about have also been done before in similar words. the chorus is kind of cliche in a way, but choruses are meant to be catchy, so it's all a matter of preference. i look forward to reading more stuff. have a good one.
#7
you should add another verse imo, and make your picture a bit more clear.
the fact that you are in a war is well conveyed but not what, why, or who. the lyrics are good though
Gear:
Ibanez VBT700 V-Blade
Ovation Celebrity CSE24
Line 6 Spider III 15 watt
Line 6 Spider III 50 Watt
(working on getting rid of these amps...)
Crybaby Wah 535Q
MXR fullbore metal
#8
Alright thanks guys, I think the criticism helps more than compliments. I'll take your tips into account and do some editing. Thanks
I enjoy Music