#1
So... here's some stuff I've written after about a year's worth of writer's block. I'd appreciate some feedback.

This one's called There's a Storm in the Forecast. I wanted to write an ADTR sounding song. Think of Start The Shooting or The Plot to Bomb the Panhandle.

God only knows how much more I can take
You're pushing me closer to the edge
I won't go back to who you are
But I will begin a whole new chapter

I'm not out for a conquest of your body
You taught me everything I know
And I still know nothing
Tonight I won't be seeing you afterall

I watched your world fall into place
(As mine fell from beneath me)
You promised me everything
(And now you leave me with nothing)
Try and face yourself tomorrow morning
(And we'll see who's laughing then)

Now I'm finally alive and ready to go
I've made up my mind only to find
That today there's a storm in the forecast
I always knew you would rain on my parade

The sky's starting to fall and we've got no place to go
We've come so far, but now I know
That you were the joker and I was the ace


This next song is about all the lovely girls I've ever known and how I get screwed over everytime. I was inspired after a dream I had. I call it Flowers.

Hey there world, I'm the wallflower that you've always wanted
Exactly the way you wanted me to be
I've been watching you sometime from across the room
So I'm wondering, shall we dance?

Today was the best day that I ever felt
Until I woke up and realized it was still yesterday
Where did the time run off to?
"It's right here in my pocket, I've been saving it for you"

You blow me right off of my feet
When you catch my sail just right
I can't stand when I'm around you
Because you make my knees too weak

Did I ever tell you how I said I met you once in a dream?
I've been to the stars and back again
But you've always been hiding right in front of me
I can see just fine, but opening my closed eyes was the key

You can brighten up my day even when it's midnight
I can count on you like the Yellow Brick Road
Keeping me on the right path, keeping me on the right one
This time I'm sure of myself
Last edited by AreaMan at Jan 3, 2010,
#2
The First Set of Ltrics There was real good. Props!....And The Secind Song(Flowers I Guess)
was descent.....but .....has that sound that every othere sappy lave song has pretty much...but the line --"I can count on you like the Yellow Brick Road
Keeping me on the right path" was good and also --"Today was the best day that I ever felt
Until I woke up and realized it was still yesterday" was pretty descent too. I think you should start the song over with a new title...try and throw a new style twist on it and keep those lines incorporated into it for shizzle...If you think i'm an ass for the critisism just let me know .... i know i can be like that so it's not going to bother me if you let me know i'm a dick or it.
dubtastic