#1
I made a song today, it has some personal meaning let me know what you think.


Sometimes I find
the hand with which I write with
betrays the love
which I want to play

Which is why
Which is why
my blues remain silent

Ask for a prayer from the sky
From the man himself
But I hear the wind howl me a no
Like the love in my life is now
Forsaken by the all seeing eye
With the command that I should abandon
The one true thing that makes me smile

Which is why lord
my blues remain silent
Which is why
which is why
Last edited by harkkam at Jan 5, 2010,
#2
give the S&L rules a read. especially the part about titles, k?
the (please rate thanks) part is probably gonna get your thread closed

thanks
Meadows
Quote by Jackal58
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I wont be like those jerks who dedicate their beliefs to logic and reaosn.
#3
sorry about that...didn't know there were rules
Last edited by harkkam at Jan 5, 2010,
#5
"the hand with which I write with"
take away the second with


"Sometimes I find
the hand with which I write with
betrays the love
which I want to play

Which is why
Which is why
my blues remain silent"

you use the word which too much to the point where it becomes almost an annoyance to hear it again, try finding some more powerful words, or just fresh ones.


other than that the piece is solid, i like it
Gear:
Ibanez VBT700 V-Blade
Ovation Celebrity CSE24
Line 6 Spider III 15 watt
Line 6 Spider III 50 Watt
(working on getting rid of these amps...)
Crybaby Wah 535Q
MXR fullbore metal
#6
Thank you guys for your comments. Yes I do agree that I use the word which too much....Well Ill see if i can try and use some different words.