#1
Hello pit. I have an interesting question for you strange animals.

What is the best and/or worst pun you have ever heard?

Okay then for example, the best pun I've ever heard was when my friend was talking about butt sex and he said "She got some of it in her vagina, so we just knew we were screwed (pun), so we just sat there saying 'ahhh ****' (pun) and I felt like a drip (pun). But then she took a test and we realized she wasn't pregnant. Thank ****ing god (shabampun)" all I said to that was "So nothing happened, why did you tell me the ****ing story?(shazampun)"

The worst pun I've ever heard was when my dog got into his dog food and ate like half the bag and I went over and said "Shep, you're really barking up the wrong tree here." It was horrible because it was intentional. FAIL.

So how about you people? What have you for the pun thread?
Last edited by BrandonWeir at Jan 5, 2010,
#2
Oh come on, TS. This is not how pun threads work.
You give us a story.
We bring lulz.
This is too easy to be punny.


Begin again in the night, let's sway again tonight.
Your arm on my shoulder, your cheek against mine.
Where can we go, when will we find that, we know.
#4
Only CATS love this THREAD!

Gibson Les Paul Studio
Yamaha Pacifica 112
Alvarez SLM
Orange Dark Terror
Orange PPC212OB 2x12 cab
Yamaha P-85 Keyboard
#6
Do you ever masturbate?

What a sticky situation this question has left me in.

*Rimshot*
#7
There was an old pun thread where someone posts a pic and everyone tries to think of puns based on that.


I've seen this one posted here a couple of times, but the more the merrier...(doesn't really apply in this situation)

A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and
the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and
heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a
second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced
that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily
deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate
job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight,
come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the
case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands
there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror
that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of
contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years
of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal,
however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental,
and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender
decides, however, that since he's only had tenor for patrons, with the
soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
#8
This thread is more terrible then a boner while taking a shit.


This thread is now about similes
#9
Quote by Ssargentslayer
This thread is more terrible then a boner while taking a shit.

You're feeling down in the drains today, aren't you?
#10
*Looks at denfilade* You're so fucking punny that I forgot how to Lol. After reading that, I got a headache. I now dislike it.
#11
Quote by chaoticfables
You're feeling down in the drains today, aren't you?

No, I just didn't like the road this thread was going down.
#12
so i heard a lion wouldn't cheat on its wife... but a tiger would...


sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#15
Quote by MangoStarr
so i heard a lion wouldn't cheat on its wife... but a tiger would...



So the tigers a cheetah? Im not sure if your lion...since animals tend to live in purfect harmony with their mates.
>>-(ಠ_ಠ-<<
>>-(. Y .)-<<
>>> . (<<<
>>-( Y )-<<
Quote by dudetheman
Dude, your fucking sig creeps me out.

Quote by Kosh H
I just noticed his sig too...I feel uncomfortable now...

Quote by WantsLesPaul
Your sig killed my boner _


DIY SO-CAL PUNK LABEL
#16
Quote by DempseyPunk
So the tigers a cheetah? Im not sure if your lion...since animals tend to live in purfect harmony with their mates.


I have a feline things are gonna end cat-astrophically.
#18
Quote by denfilade
There was an old pun thread where someone posts a pic and everyone tries to think of puns based on that.


I've seen this one posted here a couple of times, but the more the merrier...(doesn't really apply in this situation)

*puns*


Lawl.
What is mountains? A mountains has no special shapes or sound!



Epic Chill Broseph Of the Australia FTW! Club. PM Alter-Bridge or The_Random_Hero to join.

#19
Quote by denfilade
I have a feline things are gonna end cat-astrophically.

I wouldn't worry about it.


No pun intended.
#20
Quote by denfilade
I have a feline things are gonna end cat-astrophically.


Because only cats like this thread.
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Yamaha Pacifica 112
Alvarez SLM
Orange Dark Terror
Orange PPC212OB 2x12 cab
Yamaha P-85 Keyboard
#21
Okay okay, enough pun-ishment. Your wordplay is like wea-puns.
All hail the BaartMan.

Gear:
-Guitar
-Another guitar
-Another guitar
-Amplifier
-A few effects pedals
-Piano
-Cat
#22
Quote by denfilade
There was an old pun thread where someone posts a pic and everyone tries to think of puns based on that.


I've seen this one posted here a couple of times, but the more the merrier...(doesn't really apply in this situation)

A "C," an "E-flat," and a "G" go into a bar. The bartender says:
"Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and
the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is
diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment
the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and
heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a
second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is convinced
that this relative of C is a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat
hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the
seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily
deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with
nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate
job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight,
come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the
case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands
there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror
that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of
contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years
of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal,
however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental,
and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender
decides, however, that since he's only had tenor for patrons, with the
soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much
treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.


I got a good kick out of that. Thank you.

I'm used to seeing the joke that is the first sentence but the whole story is hilarious.
“Science cannot solve the ultimate mystery of nature. And that is because, in the last analysis, we ourselves are part of nature and therefore part of the mystery that we are trying to solve.”


-Max Planck

☮∞☯♥