#1
The song is essentially about a greedy man. I'm not a very confident writer so i just want to know if this are worth keeping or scraping. If you give me something even remotely helpful I'll be glad to critique any of your pieces, just leave a link.

-Verse I
Born with nothing
But his will
Always wanting
And never still

Power hungry
He cheats his way
He'll disagree
There's no foul play

Plotting every move
one step ahead
had to prove
he never bled

His mind has darkened
With every step
To late to mend
with no regret

-Pre-Chorus I
The man's pride
The man's Pain
He has lied
Now he reigns

-Chorus
This disease can only spread
Corrupting all within your head
It's sickness falls like a shadow
Dimming all that fall below

-Verse II
The lives he stepped on
All his sins
Are not yet gone
The end begins

They obeyed him
Every command
Life looked so grim
They took a stand

Their tortured souls
All want revenge
A selfish goal
So that it ends

Something severe
Now hits the man
This is fear
And so he ran

-Pre-Chorus II
The man's greed
The man's anger
Now he'll bleed
There's no cure

-Chorus

-Bridge (kind of a breakdown/ish part)
THIS DISEASE!!!... THIS DISEASE!!!... THIS DISEASE!!!... GO!!!

-Interlude
Justice has won the battle
Life is so beautiful
But evil is not concurred
The demons will live on

-Chorus x2
#2
this is great, worth keeping for sure

although i didn't like the interlude, something about it just doesn't seem right
Gear:
Ibanez VBT700 V-Blade
Ovation Celebrity CSE24
Line 6 Spider III 15 watt
Line 6 Spider III 50 Watt
(working on getting rid of these amps...)
Crybaby Wah 535Q
MXR fullbore metal
#3
Quote by Deadly Zedly
this is great, worth keeping for sure

although i didn't like the interlude, something about it just doesn't seem right


well, the interlude was just thrown together really quick, its a part of the song that is random happy (break) and to set it up so that the next chorus would make sense.