#1
Just a little diddy I was working on, these are just the verses no chorus or anything yet. All constructive crit welcome! Thanks in Advance!


Put on a party its time to play tea
akin to the handbag which hangs at your knee
which upon further inspections, not as nice as it seems
upon further deception, a girl of no means

Smile and laugh, pretend that ones new
glue on your heel will be coming off soon
and its your reaction, to head for the door
forget satisfaction, she'd rather stay poor

Stumbles inside, peeks in the room
baby boys sleeping or so she assumes
crying now, he wants a meal
crying now, she glues back her heel
#3
"which upon further inspections"....I bet you could word that part better. Just a little. Unless you've already got vocals to it, in which case, don't change it.
This song is creepy...in a very good way. "glue on your heel..." lyric is very strong. I can definitely feel an angry, disdainful, hateful vibe from it, and that's how I write
Finish it! This could make a very good song, it's already coming along great.