#1
Disclaimer: This song was written on notepad with an Ipod Touch, so please forgive the grammar and spelling(if there is any)
This is a kinda self-help therapy song.


V1:
You tell me no drugs,
Yet those pills in that vile make a loud noise,
You tell me u want answers,
Yet you don't give me any questions to respond to..
You say you want love,
Yet you only show hate.

C:
So maybe someday I'll be that hypocrite that you are.
Maybe someday I'll be there for you,
And just walk out that door.
Maybe someday, maybe someday.

V2:
You tell me to tell you the truth,
Yet I keep finding skeletons in your closet.
You tell me not to run,
But yet you hide from the police.
You tell me to be myself,
Yet you have another life.

C:
So maybe someday I'll be that hypocrite that you are.
Maybe someday I'll be there,
And just walk out that door.
Maybe someday, maybe someday...

Br:
So tell me the truth sprinkled with the deceit
Tell me how you lived,
But your dead inside,
Tell me how the good died young.
And that's why your still around...

C2:
So maybe someday I'll be that hypocrite that you are,
Maybe someday I'll just disappear,
And just never call or return.
And maybe that someday,
Is the someday ill miss....


(Spoken)
I love you dad.
#2
Darkrikku i really like this,hooked me somethin' fierce.Self help hell >< you helped me.While reading this i was with you the whole way.
"You tell me no drugs,
Yet those pills in that vile make a loud noise,
You tell me u want answers,
Yet you don't give me any questions to respond to..
You say you want love,
Yet you only show hate."......i loved that part grabbed me immediately.(those pills in that vile make a loud noise+Tell me how you lived,
But your dead inside)favorite line's.Thank you for posting this...fact.
#3
Great piece here, without a doubt. I LOVED the bridge, that was undoubtedly the best part of the song for me. Really built up to the big final chorus well. I'd like to hear this against music, personally, but I'm guessing it's a harder piece.
#4
These are scattered thoughts that rhyme occasionally.

Advice: Spend more time articulating your ideas and zesting them up with the use of literary technique and wit. Or, have someone else in the band write the lyrics.

How deeply and passionately you feel about something doesn't matter if your reader/listener has to stumble around your lyrics.
#5
@chichealias: I dont have a band. And what would you suggest for lyrics then?

@NFX: thank you man, but i really dont know what im gonna put to it. i was thinking maybe an acoustic nirvana style
#6
It didn't have much structure but I think it worked in the texts favour. The language is simple but it makes the piece come across as very honest which I am sure was your intention.
Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#7
V1:
You tell me no drugs,
Yet those pills in that vile make a loud noise, (do you mean bottle?)
You tell me u want answers,
Yet you don't give me any questions to respond to.. (sloppy)
You say you want love,
Yet you only show hate. (dumb line, cliche and ambiguous)

(the first verse is pretty awful, not much else to say, really)

C:
So maybe someday I'll be that hypocrite that you are.
Maybe someday I'll be there for you,
And just walk out that door.
Maybe someday, maybe someday.

(not as bad, but still very ambiguous)

V2:
You tell me to tell you the truth,
Yet I keep finding skeletons in your closet.
You tell me not to run,
But yet you hide from the police. (what?)
You tell me to be myself,
Yet you have another life.

(is this supposed to set up a story or something? this verse in particular is very shallow and reads as if you consciously decided to write the weakest lyrics possible)

I can't finish the rest, but, umm... good luck. I hope I didn't offend.