#1
Hey guys,

This is an original I wrote and recorded last weekend. It's pretty long (~8:30), but it would be awesome if you could try to listen to the whole thing. It has a few different styled parts as it goes along so if you don't like the first part or whatevs you might like something later .
It's up on my profile.
Hope you enjoy!
#2
first off, thanks for your comment on my song

*started listening
I really like the beginning feel
The instruments mix really well...drums are great, vocals are ominous along with the lyrics
One thing tho...the doubling up effect on the initial vocals are cool but overused
Think about trying to cut down on them and saving them for only specific parts.
the rock section around 4 minutes is sick. I think overextending it into the 5 and a half minutes mark is too much tho.

overall : real tight song. great feel, great tone on the guitar, everything. love the vibe. However, you overuse some of your hooks...cutting down on them would be good to look into I think

quote
#3
i wasent espcecting much, but i was wowed. good stuff. great tone and mixing of the parts. it flowed good. a tight song for sure. it is way to long though, and i only made it to 4 and a half min. i would try to cut it down to the 5 min mark or even shorter. short and sweet you know. otherwise i loved it. tons of potential. good stuff man.

crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1256981
#4
Hey guys,
Thanks for the opinions. I know it's a little too long - it was actually longer when I first made it, then I cut out a little cause it was just pretty ridiculous. I would've cut it down more, but I didn't want to cut more of the guitar solos out - the idea of the middle section was to like an extended break/jam, but I can see how it was a bit long. But anyway, thanks a lot for the advice, I'll try keep the "special parts" in smaller doses in the future.
#5
Thankyee for the crit Led

I like the intro, you've done a really nice job with it. It sets up the atmosphere very nicely and then the drums coming in with a nice original beat. The vocals are pretty weird at first but they fit very well with the song. in some sections I think I'd like the lower voice to be a bit louder then the high voice.
I also think the hook/chorus comes on a bit abruptly in the beginning. Maybe you could lengthen the first verse and/or start it sooner.
I like the lyrics in the chorus a lot. they are very well written
It's cool what you've done with the post chorus instrumental parts too, you keep refering to the introduction with is nice
I like the second verse lyrics a lot as well.
the bridge after the 2nd verse is very nice, I like how you went out on a limb with the chord progression, works really well. "stand your ground" lyrics seem a bit generic but they fit well with the music.

rock interlude=

maybe start the outro solo a little bit later on, it seems to just drag on at the end. It is a bit long and repetitious at the end.

I like how you have the rest of the band drop out at the very end. I would like to hear just the guitar and vocals a little bit longer during this soft section.

sorry for the wall of text dude, lol.

overall, a very well done song. I really like the vocals and lyrics, the instrumentation was great. I've been listening to this song a lot and its awesome.
#6
I enjoyed the tune bro, I really liked the solo and thought you did a great job on the lyrics and putting this piece together. I'd like to hear some of your more upbeat tunes in the future! But when Im in the mood for this type of music I can really dig the job you did here.
#7
Thanks for the crit.

Anyways, the song was really cool. Wasn't crazy about the drum sound but it wasn't bad. The vocals were great, the two voices complimented eachother very well. All the instruments were great, the guitars and whatnot. The progressions and riffs were all quite unique. The solos were pretty good too. The song is structured really well, pretty epic song. Great work.
OH LAAWDDYY!!!!
#8
Wow, this is really well put together.

I like the feel of the song a lot. The vocals reminded me of a part in a Beatles song named "We Can Work it Out" when they say something like "life is very short and there's no tiiiiiiiimmme".

In fact, the entire thing sounded similar to something the Beatles would compose; and that's saying something.

Keep it up, your recording/mixing/editing skills are great and show very prominently in this piece.
PRS SE Custom 22
Peavey Vypyr 30


"When you look into the eyes of a man grown old,
wonder about the secrets gone untold.

When you look into the eyes of a young child,
marvel at the innocence running wild."
#9
Wow guys, thanks a ton for these comments, they really mean a lot to me. I've been working to improve the drum sound, but I can never get the snare to sound quite right. And Scopic, I was actually really going for a late-Beatles kind of sound in a lot of places in this song so I was really happy to see your comments. I use Garageband for my recordings, does anyone know good ways to improve snare drum sound?
And again, I'm always open to crit anyone's song, just let me know!
Last edited by Led Lennon at Jan 9, 2010,
#10
This is nice, its very interesting. Wasn't really liking the child voice in the background, made it seem a bit, odd. But the song is very well structured, the tone is pretty good, didn't hear any mistakes really, just a few mixing issues with the drums, as you said, the snare is kinda weird. Can you add like, .WAV snare sounds to your kit? Cause I have a few that I like to use that sound decent.

And yes, I do have a lot of recordings, mainly just pratice, but all of em are songs or song ideas or tone tests. And thanks for the crit.
#11
first off nice song, quite good recorded sound and all, overall good.

Most my first impressions have been mentioned. First of, wway too long. I like all the part, but cut down on some of them, make some of them last longer, and it doesent necesarily need such a long jam part in the middle. This is the sort of song that in a live situation you can jam it out and solo for ever n all that, but in a studio version you try to be really concise and say everything in your solo you need to say. Also, i like when it sort of picks up about 4 min mark, but what i noticed is that although the lead guitar has a nice energetic feel the background/rythm section seems to drag a little. Possibly make the background 'bigger' somehow? Improving your drum sound might help in that, but i know that is hard to do.
What i would say is the sketchiest part (in some ways) is that outro solo. I love the idea of an outro solo, but i think it could be worked on, i feels a bit like your doing things we've heard already in the song and i think i could possibly be mixed in better (more subtly maybe?)

Overall though good job. I'm curious, did you do all the guitars, drums and vocals? Also i try not to judge by age but if your profile thing is right and you're only 14 im all the more impressed.
#12
Quote by Benjamin_Breeg
first off nice song, quite good recorded sound and all, overall good.

Most my first impressions have been mentioned. First of, wway too long. I like all the part, but cut down on some of them, make some of them last longer, and it doesent necesarily need such a long jam part in the middle. This is the sort of song that in a live situation you can jam it out and solo for ever n all that, but in a studio version you try to be really concise and say everything in your solo you need to say. Also, i like when it sort of picks up about 4 min mark, but what i noticed is that although the lead guitar has a nice energetic feel the background/rythm section seems to drag a little. Possibly make the background 'bigger' somehow? Improving your drum sound might help in that, but i know that is hard to do.
What i would say is the sketchiest part (in some ways) is that outro solo. I love the idea of an outro solo, but i think it could be worked on, i feels a bit like your doing things we've heard already in the song and i think i could possibly be mixed in better (more subtly maybe?)

Overall though good job. I'm curious, did you do all the guitars, drums and vocals? Also i try not to judge by age but if your profile thing is right and you're only 14 im all the more impressed.

Hey, thanks for the detailed crit. And yes I did do all the parts myself. Usually I'd have my older brother play drums in recordings but he was out of town and I only had two days left of my winter break, so I just decided to do the drums. Also, the other vocal/singer that sounds like a chick or little kid was a vocal transformer on Garageband (labeled "Male to Female" haha) that I put my voice through. My normal voice is pretty montone (monotonal?) so I added that effect to give it more layers/note value. Thanks again, I really appreciate the comments.
#14
this is a really intense song. i like the dynamics of it... it goes through such a broad spectrum of feelings and melodies, its great. the recording quality is very good too, are you using software instruments?

the vocals are done pretty cool, gives it an eerie vibe to it to have that child/female voice in the background. this reminds me of a modern doors song or something, its sweet stuff man.
fck.
#15
Quote by mexiSt
this is a really intense song. i like the dynamics of it... it goes through such a broad spectrum of feelings and melodies, its great. the recording quality is very good too, are you using software instruments?

the vocals are done pretty cool, gives it an eerie vibe to it to have that child/female voice in the background. this reminds me of a modern doors song or something, its sweet stuff man.

Thanks a lot, and all the intsruments used were real instruments. I've got a load of mics and I plug them through a Line6 TonePort into Garageband. I've used software instruments in the past for maybe drums or something, but I hate it because then it sounds like the drums (or whatever softwar insturment used) sound a ton better than the other instruments in the recording and it doesn't mix together well.
Check out my mp3s, I'll check out yours
#17
Thanks for the crit, and sorry it's taken such a long time to get back to you.

I don't think there's much I can say about this song that hasn't been said already.

The dynamics were fantastic, all the instruments were really well layered (and well played) and you had some great tones.

There were a lot of really great parts, but it's just too long, and it made it much harder to appreciate how good the song actually was.

Other than that, I didn't really like the voice doubling, and the drum sounds were a little weak.

Still, overall it was great.

By the way, I've got a completely redone version of my song posted if you want to check it out.
#19
Quote by Riffdex
I like it, it reminds me of She's So Heavy by the Beatles

Yeah, I when i was writing this song i was actually heavily influenced by that song, along with while my guitar gently weeps. Glad you thought the same way
Check out my mp3s, I'll check out yours