Assuming you have balls the size of a raging bull, how would you quit your job?

#1
I was reading one of the latest Cracked articles, and I was wondering how I'd quit my job if I had the guts to.

I figure since the Pit is mostly teenagers, most of us probably are either unemployed or have a sh*tty job.

At my job, sometimes they want us to leave notes on the desk that the managers use so we can say what we did, so everyone else sort of knows where to start and what they don't need to do. So I think I'd leave a note which at first would make it look like I deserve a promotion, but then take a hard left turn into assholeville. Something like:

"Hey, Boss. Just so you know, I went ahead and filled the entire ftw section, fixed all the displays and sized about half the department. I relabeled the missmarked boxes, and I took care of all those transfers you didn't want to do. I processed all the ftw boxes and did the receiving paperwork, and I sold about half our ly alone.

...Just kidding. I did about 5 minutes of work, walked around the store and did nothing and then went to eat lunch and I 'forgot ' to clock out for my lunch break. I hate this job. Fuck you guys, I quit. WU TANG!"


So, how would you like to quit you guys jobs? And if you don't have a job, just pretend.
#3
1. Stick a grenade in his wife's mouth.
2. Wait for results.
3. Write "I quit" with remains.
4. ???
5. Profit!
#4
Send massive press releases, and organise a press conference to tell the medias that my boss is a douche.
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#5
Strap explosives to a pig and unleash it in the store. It would be a pork-splosion
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#6
Funny, I was considering raging out at work today. If I was gonna quit, I think I'd just throw a mop at my boss. He's such a dumbass =|
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#7
something to do with burning it down ? preferably with various historical evil figures !
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#9
I couldn't be terrible to my boss.

I love my job, to be honest. Sure, it's retail, but my boss and coworkers are amazing.
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#10
i work in a deli. so there's health and safety stuff...
step 1: open all fridges and turn them off.
step 2: put things unaffected by this on floor or random shelves
step 3: spell out by "I ****ING QUIT" across cheese by carving it inside
step 4: just to be an ass, put a wax covered cheese through a slicer to ruin it (you cant wash that stuff off after it hardens)
#11
Quote by User_Name336
i work in a deli. so there's health and safety stuff...
step 1: open all fridges and turn them off.
step 2: put things unaffected by this on floor or random shelves
step 3: spell out by "I ****ING QUIT" across cheese by carving it inside
step 4: just to be an ass, put a wax covered cheese through a slicer to ruin it (you cant wash that stuff off after it hardens)

Ah, you gouda come up with something more creative.
#12
MADCAP i love how when you would go to quit you wouldnt clock out for lunch break. i havent clocked out for lunch in like a year. but anyway i think my neighbors is pretty epic...

he had a huge meeting and all the bigwigs and smallwigs where there and he need to give a presentation. instead of doing what he was supposed to, he did the 10 reasons of why the place he works sucks. after the last one he had **** you i quit.
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#13
I have a good one but doesn't apply to your situation, I used to be the manager at a small movie theater, and after we closed one night, I spelled out "I quit, bitches." in popcorn really big across the entire lobby floor and left my work keys and name tag with it. The beautiful thing about it was our general manager also doubled as our nightly janitor.
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#14
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Ah, you gouda come up with something more creative.


Good pun! Hahaha.
#16
My boss would just wake up in an alleyway, pants at his ankles, anus bleeding, and a note in his ass with "i quit" written on it in my own feces
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#17
I worked at a grocery store, and on my last day I went on the PA and congratulated a guy I worked with for losing his virginity the night before. I was issued a notice that I'm never allowed on the premises again.
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#18
leave a big note at the end of a hallway. but fill the hallway with grease so when they go see the note they slip and break their neck
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#19
I work in a post office. I'd just slash the throat of one of the pensioners in the queue and write "I QUIT!" in their blood on the wall.
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#20
Eh. I like my job and my boss is a badass 50-year-old who likes to lock himself in the office watching 80s metal videos all night (while ostensibly working on payroll/schedule/etc), so when I do leave it'll probably be "I'm sorry, but I've got my degree and I'm not looking to wait tables anymore."

But for the purposes of this thread: probably curse out some particularly stupid customers, maybe throw their food at them, then barricade myself in the office, turn the satellite playlist to the extreme metal channel and jack the volume all the way up, and refuse to leave until the police break down the door and drag me out.
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#22
I'd wait for my best friend to quit first, honestly she's the only reason i'm still working there. Otherwise work is really boring. I'd most likely show up naked one day, smashed on various substances and harass the customers.
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#23
Involving fire, many civilians and a Batman symbol.
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