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#1
I stumbled across this list when i was bored at work thought id throw it out here.
Its a little long but read it all its dam funny haha.


1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say you say "you better be". Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then, when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words @#%$ you, and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye". The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball or waterpolo.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say "no she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one to the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say no it's just the rain. Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters, and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
that much, but I think it's funny.

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will
make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't
call.
Ill Take it all
Arrows and Guns.. Hundreds and more


Save you from one
#3
Then there's 50 ways to leave your lover... but you won't need any of them.
funkyducky


Icing happen when de puck come down, BANG, you know,
before de oder guys, nobody dere, you know.
My arm go comme ça, den de game stop den start up.

Quote by daytripper75
Get To Da Choppa!
#5
that list has been floating around for years. wasn't funny then, not funny now.

shadowEDIT: god damn you Pit monkeys are quick! i'd hate to see what you all are like in bed
I've got the spirit, but lose the feeling.
Last edited by intheshadowplay at Jan 7, 2010,
#6
Do the opposite of this list and youll be a rollin in it
Last edited by diminishedtobme at Jan 7, 2010,
#10
FW: FW: FW: fw: FW: FW: FW: FW: HAHA!!!! Funny list, (Don't try this at home HAH!!!!!)
"Why should we subsidise intellectual curiosity?"
-Ronald Reagan

"Knowledge is in every country the surest basis of public happiness."
-George Washington
#11
Quote by intheshadowplay
that list has been floating around for years. wasn't funny then, not funny now.

shadowEDIT: god damn you Pit monkeys are quick! i'd hate to see what you all are like in bed



yeah but this was the first time ive seen it mate..
Ill Take it all
Arrows and Guns.. Hundreds and more


Save you from one
#12
i do all these already


not really...
Quote by asator
YOU'RE A CUNT AND STUFF LESPAUL1216.


It's okay because whatever, forever
#14
Quote by Ur all $h1t
FW: FW: FW: fw: FW: FW: FW: FW: HAHA!!!! Funny list, (Don't try this at home HAH!!!!!)



teehee

also, really really old.

what's with old in the pit tonight?
#15
Some of those are things I might actually do. I'll try the other ones, girls love lists like that, shows you care.
#16
i thought it was serious for the first couple of ones... but then i realized

sim simma

who got the keys to my beema
#17
i wanna try one of these

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#18
Old meme, bruah.
Gear:
-Gibson Les Paul Studio Cherry Sunburst w/ Alnico Pro II
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-Blackstar HT-5RH
#19
Quote by tragorious

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
that much, but I think it's funny
.

That made me laugh the most
So that with good courage we say, “The Lord is my helper. I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

-Hebrews 13:6
#21
kinda funny. Id give it a 6/10 on the humor scale.
"Bullshit is the glue that binds this nation together."
-George Carlin



The Human Fund: $0.00
PM me to donate
#23
Haha, when I first started reading I thought there was going to be some serious advice, but this is great.
#24
Quote by tragorious

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."




I'm pretty sure you would get slapped several times if you did ANY of these...
Quote by brandon369852
lolworthy- classicrockboy WIN of thread.
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
~ Jimi Hendrix

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Check out my songs for it

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#26
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then, take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then, drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."


No muerde, no calla
Sin sangre no hay arte
Nada ni nadie
De nada más

#27
Quote by shotdownNflames
27. Let your wife read this list thinking that she'll find it funny also.



hahah maybe i should add that in
Ill Take it all
Arrows and Guns.. Hundreds and more


Save you from one
#28
Quote by tragorious
hahah maybe i should add that in

I honestly thought she'd find it amusing, nope.
#29
lol @ 18
return 0;

Quote by jsync
And I've eaten at some of Australia's best pizzerias.



SOUNDCLOUD
. com / fancy-elle
#31
Quote by shotdownNflames
I honestly thought she'd find it amusing, nope.



yeah how can you not find at least one a little funny.

unbelieveable haha
Ill Take it all
Arrows and Guns.. Hundreds and more


Save you from one
#33
I found the whole thing really stupid.
Seamonkey has my money!

Quote by shattamakar
My dog came into my room while I was fapping.
I couldn't look Wolfie in the eye for a week.
#34
1. pull out dick
2. ?????
3. profit
fender aerodyne jazz bass>mxr el grande bass fuzz>boss odb-3>dunlop crybaby bass wah>randall rba 500 es/ampeg 8x10
#35
hahaha, excellent.
RIG
Guitars:
Fender American Strat
Carvin Bolt
Aria Fa 71
Epiphone Les Paul
Yamaha FG700S

Amps:
Hughes and Kettner Trilogy Half Stack
Marshall MG *hides*

Pedals:
Dunlop Crybaby
#38
I didn't think it was funny at all. Just stupid. Are these the type of threads 2010 brings?
I'll pretend I can mod your amp but break it instead.
#39
Quote by guitarlord28
I didn't think it was funny at all. Just stupid. Are these the type of threads 2010 brings?


I agree, but I don't care, I don't want to be an asshole.
#40
Quote by shotdownNflames
27. Let your wife read this list thinking that she'll find it funny also.



28. when she gets done reading this stare at her and tell her what you expect
POST RAWK
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