#1
Ester's Day (part one)


Coyote was sitting on my front porch when I got home.
It wasn't much of a porch, the humidity was rotting the wood from the outside in.
I got him a warm yuengling from the cooler I had been using as a fridge since I sold mine and before I moved in with Colorado. We put on alien lanes and pretended we sat around like this back when it was written.
Coyote was my newest good friend. He was a quick, tough kid who spent his childhood pissing off alligators in the indian river. He grew up in his dad's trailer across the highway from his moms trailer. His dad died so he never moved out. Just started sleeping in the bed again, like when his mother first stumbled away. His father's imprint in the mattress was half a foot taller than he was and stained with all sorts of things hed rather just cover up with a towel and sleep on.
The wind was picking up and the dust was getting in my eyes, I didnt mind. We were quiet for a while then Coyote told me his mom was sleeping around with the guys on his side of the road, right next to him. And he didn't want to go back there tonight. I fed him some leftover Chrome Diner fries. It wasn't much and it was only warm cause of hot and heavy air, but it got him talking out his ideas for how to spend the days. He was clutching the step and broke off a piece of softened wood. Pulling it to his chest with both hands then tossing it into the weeds, he and I decided it would make the days here easier to feel the shade of the seasons once or until we got turned around. To blink against the snow. To sweat and shiver at the same time. He was sweating now and maybe even shivering a little, but it was different. The wind was stronger now and the sky was greenish. Eagles flew in lower and the smaller birds came out of nowhere and rode the changes in the sky. Crazy Horse was laughing wildly somewhere down the lane.
My truck was red and heading east at sundown, up 41 and over, towards Colorado's, a few miles into the everglades.
"Come on, Colorado we're running from hurricanes and chasing steam trains. I traded my cooler for some beer. You've got a case and half and that'll last us until we run out of gas. Coyote stole some whiskey from the store and he can get enough along the way after we get going to last us until the tracks run out. And then we'll have to rough it until we make Denali. It's tough country up there and we can't afford the weight."
He grabbed my key from the plastic lawn chair table I had set it on, folded his fingers on top of it and hurried out into the drivers seat. Coyote took shotgun so I rode in the bed with the booze and the blankets and a couple cans of gas while Colorado drove. It was red to our left and getting darker to our right and behind but the earth held more colors on that side. Even still, we just wanted that blinding sun in our eyes. Beat the clouds to the clear night and the bolts rattled beneath me as I lay back to watch the stars sit still above us. Tossed the the torn up box of the half case over the tailgate and drove on empty roads in the dark on Christmas morning.


Distopian Dream Girl (part 2)

Dartanian was at least 70 years old and had never met his grandson. We pulled into his house on the corner of the panhandle. From here we were opened up to the skys that hung over texas and mexico and the tropics. He was my grandfather and I wasnt sure if he was still alive until we got there. He recognized the old truck that used to belong to his daughter and her husband and came out to greet us. His neighbor was stopping by to give him a jar of cookies that her mother had made. She was standing in the doorway when we climbed out of my rusting truck all covered in dust and sand and salt still from the morning air. I could see the ocean through the kitchen if I looked past her. She saw me and probably all of us looking. My grandfather did too and hurried to ask which of us was Ester and I came forward and shook his veiny hand, now sure that I had the right place. I had stopped by with my mom when I was younger but nobody was home and she had to get to a job interview by morning.
"The one with the mop can shower first."
Coyote brushed at the dirt below his feet. Dartanian led us up the front porch to where she stood and stepped aside to let us in.
"This is Lucy. She lives next door."
She smiled and nodded and said she should probably get back to her mother.
Coyote sort of said "nice to meet you" as she skirted past. No one moved for a second.
"I just thought it would be a good idea to meet the only family I have left while I was passing through," I said as Colorado brushed his feet on the rug in front of the door.
"Good that's good. I think about you sometimes. You're mother loved you but said you were scared to show much emotion. That you kept secrets."
"Yeah."
"Where you living these days?"
"Estero"
"Followed you're old man outta Labelle?"
"Followed a girl."
He laughed and offered us chairs. He was working as a janitor at an elementary school near by. It probably suited him well. Said he didn't mind it much. Said it beat my old job working at the carwash but probably not Colorado's giving airboat rides to families visiting grandparents. Coyote didn't have a job lately but said he worked at a gas station. He had a year or two ago. Before we got to telling him where we were headed Lucy's little sister came over and offered us Christmas Dinner at their house. We graciously accepted. The young girl ran back across the stiff patchy grass to tell her mother and sister. Dartanian sent Coyote off to the shower.
"You boys can sleep here if you want. Where're you heading anyways?"
"yeah a floor couldn't hurt if you don't mind. And we're heading west. Northwest. To figure out where to go from here."
"I'd join you if I were your age. I don't know what else there is to do anymore. I'm becoming like everyone else. Sitting in my chair on the back porch looking at the ocean like its gonna tell me a story or some garbage."
The screendoor to the back rattled against the bucket full of cigarette filters that held it open so the dog could get in and out. He had given the dog to Lucy's sister but liked it to stop back over.
It was a warm winter, even for the south, and the morning breeze sung through the house.
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#2
The second part said much more about the characters as people, not as backgrounds, than the first part did. I'm really curious to see where this goes. Do you have it plotted out already or are you going with it as it comes?

As far as crits go, I think if you were to change this at all, it would be helpful to put more dialogue between Coyote and Ester so we could understand their relationship. They're becoming more distinct as individuals (at least, Coyote is; the narrator is only barely touched upon but I'm sure that will come more later) but their relationship isn't very developed so far. It really depends on how long you go. If this is going to be a good amount longer, you've got a lot of wiggle room as far as characterization; if this is only going on for another few parts though you'll need to go a bit heavier.
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#3
yeah I have additional characters, some backgrounds, events, settings, and an idea and I'm writing as I go. Should be a good amount longer. Thats why I haven't been very upfront and quick with somethings. It's not perfect, no, but its going decently I think.

thanks so much for reading
Anatomy Anatomy
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Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me