#1
A new song I'm working on, not yet finished. Please take the time to either listen or purchase my new album. It's pay what you will, minimum $0. Link in the sig.



robomatronics

gears and pulleys,
turbines, dim badges,
dim hands over dim suits,
grease-smeared hubcaps,
stripped bud can shards,
black rats chew cables,
engine whimpers too far underneath

the factory heart,
ivy and its shadow wrapping lead,
white muzzle, smokestack teeth.

your warm mouth.
Last edited by #1 synth at Jan 8, 2010,
#2
I like the basis for the imagery that I think I'm getting.

Wtf is robomatronics?
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#4
mmm senses stimulated.

I WILL GET TO YOUR ALBUM actually i'm just going to sticky this so I remember. does the money go directly to you?
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
Wow.


I'm not kidding, I just got chills reading that. Not right away, but maybe four seconds after I read the final line. I love love love love the imagery, the feel it gives, and most of all, the simplicity. You were able to create an entire setting, an entire world almost, in just those few words. And the last line...woah.

Reading it made me feel like a robot discovering love for the first time.
kill all humans
#6
I am quite a robot person as well, though we write very differently.
It was enjoyable, for me the line

The factory heart

was all I needed.

I know this is a bad crit, but I am operating on my brothers iTouch thing so I will leave a better post later.
In the meantime perhaps you could take a look at my most recent Attempt at lyrics.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1259029
#8
I meant to throw in a good $20 but I just checked my bank account and at the moment I have less than that inside, mrow. So I hope $2.17 is enough to get onion rings or an ice cream cone or a pack of Play-Doh or those dinosaurs that grow and get mushy when you put them in water or something else that makes life a little more enjoyable.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#9
I love this concept of robots/humans/cyborgs.

This was good, but i wanted more. I think i kind of wanted it to evolve from stuttery robotic openings to a more fluid, complete and vivid ending, which would mirror a refinement or evolution of sorts.

Maybe that's something to look at for a further piece or something, i don't know.