#1
we used to be like magnets
though unlikely of the romance
I atracted you, you captived me
you were south & I'd be north

the hearts so frail
vulnerable at a distance
you were there, i was here
you are south & I am north

we're still like magnets
though seems unlikely at hearts
I refused you, you resisted me
you went south &
I'd still be...


here
Quote by ATM*
cool, two reports in one thread. You, sir, are a superstar.

*reported*

*again*


i'm a superstar
#2
I think you're about one line away from having a winner here. Everything you have is fine, but there's just a little lack of imagery. It feels like every stanza is describing the aftermath of a situation (IE: You being with this person, him or her leaving you) and it would do well to describe the actual situation with a little more detail. That is, put something to describe your time together, not just how you felt afterward. Other than that, well done.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#3
i agree with allnightmask completley
its pretty good
THIS IS MY SIGTHIS IS MY SIGTHIS IS MY SIG
#4
I appreciate physics as much as if not more than most people, and I appreciate the attempt of relating your lovelife to the simple behaviors of magnetic objects. It is only alright as it stands now. I feel that if you were to expand on the subject more, perhaps relate how changing magnetic poles generate electricity or how because one of you changed charges, positive to negative or vice versa, you can be close but never touch, not with an outside force of somekind anyways. Or how despite the laws of physics you are still attracted to her.

I apologize for kind of being a nerd, perhaps you would be kind enough to leave a comment on my song?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1259029
#5
I think with one more stanza before the last this would be superb! Something to tie it all together.
Rag Mop Do Do Duh DoDo Dedo Do!!!!!

R_A_G_G_M_O_P_P

RAGMOP
#6
thanks guys.
i meant it to be simple.

stanza one is about the relaltionship
second is about the break up
third is the results
Quote by ATM*
cool, two reports in one thread. You, sir, are a superstar.

*reported*

*again*


i'm a superstar