#1
This will be my first ever post in the S&L Forum. It's probably laughable, I've just been scribbling things down really. I don't know whether it's a song, a poem, or whatever. I've got quite a few; all in good time, so here goes the first, entitled Social Chameleon.

Constantly changing,
Shifting your style and your poise to reflect the aura that you wish to emanate to any give individual or group of individuals.
Stylistically shallow,
perceiving is believing as you fix your tie and wear your shirt that certain way to appeal to the group that you're meeting tonight.
Emphasis and accent,
fluctuate violently when moving from one friend to the next.
Do you even know who you are?
Fender 60th Anniversary Standard Strat,
Epiphone Les Paul ES,
Line6 Flextone III,
Laney VC15,
Some pedals,
Some recording gear.
#2
You have a few buzzwords in here. I'm usually not a fan of the superfluous language used in writing. (As George Orwell said- "Never use a long word when a short word will do.") But here you set a very nice rhythm with the language choices. The end result, I think, is a very dense piece, especially considering the length. You're just a word or two away from over-doing it, but as it stands, this works nicely. I'm not sure if you intend to expand on it, and even then, it might not be necessary--you get your point across very clearly in this piece.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#3
Well that's a very encouraging first review, thanks .

If it were down to you, what would you change about it? Also, anything you did change, would you change because you feel it would appeal more or would the change be purely for your own personal preference?
Fender 60th Anniversary Standard Strat,
Epiphone Les Paul ES,
Line6 Flextone III,
Laney VC15,
Some pedals,
Some recording gear.
#4
Anything I ever edit or change in my own writing is strictly a result of personal preference. The vast majority of my writing never sees the light of day, so I don't tend to try to make it more appealing. The same would apply here; anything I suggest is merely grounded in preference. Like I said, I'm a huge proponent of simple language. "The aura you wish to emanate" would be "the impression you wish to give," "the shadow you wish to cast," "the act you wish to sell." Etc.

Basically, it's all about how you approaching reading/writing. In my case, I like writing that closely mimics typical speech. I think that using more descriptive words can be less impacting because it separates writer from reader. It elevates the writer to the level of some pseudo-medieval bard speaking in riddles, almost condescending to his audience. In practice, it's all a balancing act. Using imagery and color to give some weight to your writing can quickly spill over into long-winded exercises in adjective-stringing. (That's not to say you did, here, it's just a general caveat.)

So take my advice with that mindset in mind. I'm usually all about trimming the fat, and if you're a proponent of the sprawling, flowery language, I'll be pointing you in the opposite direction. My general advice is to ascertain your identity as a writer, and then decide if what I just said applies to you at all.
When crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope...
#5
the second line is emm, a bit too long?
Quote by ATM*
cool, two reports in one thread. You, sir, are a superstar.

*reported*

*again*


i'm a superstar
#6
That's some sound advice, thank you very much. The only thing I would say is that, for example, with the example that you gave me changing 'the aura that you wish to emanate' to 'the impression that you wish to give', in my opinion the first gives much more vivid imagery, an aura is much more than just an impression.

To Rafael, I wish you would elaborate more on your point. what's wrong with it being long?

I quite like it being long, I like punchy, short sentences and then I like sentences which use the full extent of your breath for effect.
Fender 60th Anniversary Standard Strat,
Epiphone Les Paul ES,
Line6 Flextone III,
Laney VC15,
Some pedals,
Some recording gear.