#1
Early morning comb over
covers liver spots and age marks
on the dented skull that shelters
the brain you've kept for far too long
Considering the watch-hands
Counting all the wrinkles
Resigning yourself to a portrait
that gapes
and holds a vague similarity
to someone you knew.


I write occasionally first time posting. c4c
Rag Mop Do Do Duh DoDo Dedo Do!!!!!

R_A_G_G_M_O_P_P

RAGMOP
#3
Interesting piece you've got there. I like the idea present in it, though the way it's delivered is a tad simplistic and awkward. I don't think it needs to be longer or anything necessarily, but perhaps you could consider the words and phrasing you use and see if they can be altered to improve the flow. Meaning-wise, though, it's very good. post moar

Crit mine plz?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1258894
kill all humans