#1
Hello again everyone, I failed miserably yesterday (didn't read the rules, so my thread got closed, rightfully so), but still decided to post something here, so there you go (first two lines rhyme, the last two are, sort of, one line, if that makes sense, so no pause between the last two). I have some more lyrics, might share them tomorrow if anyone cares. And indie is in there just... you know... because nothing else fits. It's a slower kind of song, reminds me of mewithoutYou or something =) I'll definitely crit yours in return as long as there's a link. I mean, I write lyrics quite often and had never tried posting them here before, which is a shame, so hopefully I'll be able to contribute something from now on. Sorry for not having capital letters and writing "god", no offense intended at all and no hidden meaning behind it.

when will we set on fire
and hang from paper wires
six cold bricks lying at the bottom
of a dried-up lake?

with shards of broken glass
we cut the ropes and danced
clothes off to please the ghosts
who died and drove us to our sins

when they say god you cry
like high-school girls that try
to find out who is sleeping with the
ones they never trust

but once there was a time
when you sold out your crimes
and started to pretend to care that
this will never end

cause soon I prayed alone
and climbed down from my throne
to remold it into silver that would
grace your pearly eyes

you smiled and took my crown
there's no one to strike me down
or take me back, forgiven, to seek
shelter in the wind
for rent
#2
I quite like it, there are a few bits that I really like. I think the third verse makes a really solid simile, and the metaphor in the last two verses are great.

Dave
#3
Hey, I really think it's good. A thing about the second stanza, if you're British.. "glass" and "danced" would kind of rhyme, haha. Well, I still can't figure out what this song is about. I guess it's something about a girl and love.. would you mind telling us? Or rather me.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1256352

These are my lyrics. I finished them, but I won't upload the full version until I made them into a song !
so you went to school to relearn how to smile?