#1
This is my first piece of writing. It's very rough, loose and crap, but it's an honest effort and I'd love to know what you think.

Verse:
Angel or ghost?
I’m undecided
Yet there’s a thread
Of something inhuman in you.

You’re glass that transcends words,
Clarity that’s spawn of false belief
A floating figure that allows
All to break your boundaries.

Chorus:
There’s a silence that’s only skin deep,
And your anger goes unheard.
You hardly move, hardly breath
And leave so much in reserve.

Verse:
Natural, beautiful, in balance,
Delicate to the touch.
Damaged by the raw animosity
That you’re bond and tied to.

Chorus

Verse:
Taken by whim, travelling on the breeze
You have no direction,
But travel in constant motion
You’ve got no body, or you’ve got no soul
I don’t know which it is yet.

Cheers,
Dave
#2
I really liked it, especially since it's your first piece of writing, it's quite well done. The chorus and the second verse are especially nice. My only real remark is the last two lines, which seem a bit plain to me. You could try to paraphrase them somehow. Other than that, very well done. Cheers!
for rent
#3
I think this is good but I see a couple problems. It doesn't flow very well, at least not when I read it. And it feels more like a loose string of metaphors and expressions less like a focused, coherent piece. Which is pretty typical of a first peace. My only advice is think about how each line contributes to the piece as a whole a little more the next time you write something.
Overall, solid first try. Shows potential.
I want Super Saiyan abilities