Hey Pit, post your one liners!

Mine vvv

"If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?"
Crackers! Crackers! But no squeezy cheese!! You've broken my secret elbow!!!
If Hooters delivered, I'd reckon they'd be called Knockers!
E-married to ilikepirates

Quote by bloodtrocuted93

How are you so fucking awesome at music?

I'm not saying this thead should be closed, because there is nothing like a good joke, but there are some funnies if you search "one liners"
I'm not saying this thead should be closed, because there is nothing like a good joke, but there are some funnies if you search "one liners"

Sir, I believe that is exceeding the limit.
The worse part about being black and a jew is that we always get sent to the back of the oven.
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░ It's a-me, Mario!

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The Rev only did ONE LINE of cocaine and then died. . .

. . . one liner...one line of coke...

The playground of the world
St Anger
Quote by Shea Donoghue

Then, about two minutes later of just plowing, I can feel it coming. She's still moaning and rolling back, and then I pull out. I grab her by her hair, pull her head up, and yell out:

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm talking in parentheses.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

So, do you live around here often?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

What a nice night for an evening.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Quote by denfilade
What would happen if during an abortion, someone yelled "abort! abort!"

What would happen if during a court-martial execution, someone yelled "Fire! Fire!"?
I had a dream last night that I was eating the world's largest marshmellow, and when I woke up, my pillow was gone.


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.