#1
Hey Pit, post your one liners!

Mine vvv

"If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?"
Crackers! Crackers! But no squeezy cheese!! You've broken my secret elbow!!!
#2
If Hooters delivered, I'd reckon they'd be called Knockers!
E-married to ilikepirates

Quote by bloodtrocuted93

How are you so fucking awesome at music?


>¦<
¦
#3
I'm not saying this thead should be closed, because there is nothing like a good joke, but there are some funnies if you search "one liners"
Nikolas
#6
Quote by ROCK=ZEPPELIN
I'm not saying this thead should be closed, because there is nothing like a good joke, but there are some funnies if you search "one liners"

Sir, I believe that is exceeding the limit.
#9
The worse part about being black and a jew is that we always get sent to the back of the oven.
░░▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░
▓▓▓▓▓░░░░
▓▓▓▓▓▓░░
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░ It's a-me, Mario!
░░▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░

Check out my
Tumblr
Or follow me on Twitter
#11
The Rev only did ONE LINE of cocaine and then died. . .


. . . one liner...one line of coke...

The playground of the world
#12
St Anger
Quote by Shea Donoghue


Then, about two minutes later of just plowing, I can feel it coming. She's still moaning and rolling back, and then I pull out. I grab her by her hair, pull her head up, and yell out:
"BOOM, HEADSHOT!"
#13


I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you can't hear me, it's because I'm talking in parentheses.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

So, do you live around here often?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

What a nice night for an evening.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
#16
Quote by denfilade
What would happen if during an abortion, someone yelled "abort! abort!"

What would happen if during a court-martial execution, someone yelled "Fire! Fire!"?
#17
I had a dream last night that I was eating the world's largest marshmellow, and when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Q#m
e|--6--|
B|--5--|
G|--7--|
D|--7--|x2586
A|--5--|
E|-----|


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.


-Sloppyjoe24