Page 4 of 330
#121
Quote by OldiebutNewbie
chipped my front left tooth last month, and lost count of how many times I've rammed my penis into her pelvis almost bending it in two when we're going really fast. That any many many times of getting rubbed raw!

Gah I hate that so so much. The sheer thought of it makes me queasy.

Quote by Jambi
Today I did it with my ex for old times sake, long story, and she thought I was trying to do her up the arse so she turned round and slapped me in about a second

Looking to buy a Fender Jagstang, u sellin?
#122
Quote by OldiebutNewbie
lost count of how many times I've rammed my penis into her pelvis almost bending it in two when we're going really fast.


You know, when I was a younger man, I had to carry out shenanigans covertly. As such, if a phone rang and I did not answer it, I could expect a visit.

So...picture a low internal wall, about waist height, with a phone on top...like a shelf but with a wall under it.

On this wall is a radiator.

Phone rings...young Skeet, slips knob out of Goth girls mouth and heads for the stairs at full sprint...does not allow sufficient time to slow down and then collides, erect penis first into hot radiator, then continued moving, bending over said low wall...nether regions, bent but still against hot radiator.


The BJ got finished later, but required ice too
Quote by Cal UK

...that's what Skeet always says anyway and he's a sex god.


Member of the official GB&C "Who to Listen to" list


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#123
Injuries, eh? Nice read, Skeet !

Just recently I got my temple slammed against a hard laptop. Why mess around with a laptop on the bed? I dont know. But he picked me up...and then dropped me on it..head first. Its been a week and I still have a bump. Maybe I should remind him that we are fucking not wrestling.

Ive had some cum drip into the corner of my eye once. That wasnt fun, small amount or not. S'bout it though that I can think of..
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


Stepco's Master
|Colowomble 2016|PSN=yellowfrizbee| + UG Community Radio|
#124
Quote by yellowfrizbee
Injuries, eh? Nice read, Skeet !

Just recently I got my temple slammed against a hard laptop. Why mess around with a laptop on the bed? I dont know. But he picked me up...and then dropped me on it..head first. Its been a week and I still have a bump. Maybe I should remind him that we are fucking not wrestling.

Ive had some cum drip into the corner of my eye once. That wasnt fun, small amount or not. S'bout it though that I can think of..


Just reminded me about something that happened to my mate...picture this.

My mate and his girl used to do a great deal of anal action, on both of them and she could accommodate things of considerable girth in her "two way".

So, I'm in the local Pool Hall, when my mate Tony wanders...slowly...in and joins me and the other guy I was with.

He looked a bit...delicate, so I asked what was up.

So there, in the dimly lit and usually quiet pool hall, Tony tells his tale of woe.

Tony and his girl had been having a session and during an all fours, squished down on the bed session...his good lady gets cramp. Not fun, certainly but this was surely no real reason for him to be so sullen.

So I probed further...why so sullen, Tony?

"Well, she got cramp in her thigh and kinda leapt forward yelling and thrashing about."

Yeah..., cramp sucks...so why, so sullen?

"I've told you about how wide I can stretch her ass after a session...well...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I had my balls in too."

BWAAAAAAA!!!!!

So the entire pool hall looks around, and wonder why one guy is looking so moody, when the two other guys he is with, are almost dying with laughter, to the point of being unable to breathe...very loudly.

Poor Tony's wife had reacted to her cramp, but his balls kept him connected to her, so he was dragged forward and tossed about with her ass clenched around his dick and balls. Possibly one of the funniest things I have ever had someone say to my face
Quote by Cal UK

...that's what Skeet always says anyway and he's a sex god.


Member of the official GB&C "Who to Listen to" list


I support Shay van Fani
I can supply WD Music, ABM and AllParts products to UK builders at DISCOUNTED prices!
Last edited by Skeet UK at Jan 20, 2010,
#125
Quote by Skeet UK
Just reminded me about something that happened to my mate...picture this.

My mate and his girl used to do a great deal of anal action, on both of them and she could accommodate things of considerable girth in her "two way".

So, I'm in the local Pool Hall, when my mate Tony wanders...slowly...in and joins me and the other guy I was with.

He looked a bit...delicate, so I asked what was up.

So there, in the dimly lit and usually quiet pool hall, Tony tells his tale of woe.

Tony and his girl had been having a session and during an all fours, squished down on the bed session...his good lady gets cramp. Not fun, certainly but this was surely no real reason for him to be so sullen.

So I probed further...why so sullen, Tony?

"Well, she got cramp in her thigh and kinda leapt forward yelling and thrashing about."

Yeah..., cramp sucks...so why, so sullen?

"I've told you about how wide I can stretch her ass after a session...well...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I had my balls in too."

BWAAAAAAA!!!!!

So the entire pool hall looks around, and wonder why one guy is looking so moody, when the two other guys he is with, are almost dying with laughter, to the point of being unable to breathe...very loudly.

Poor Tony's wife had reacted to her cramp, but his balls kept him connected to her, so he was dragged forward and tossed about with her ass clenched around his dick and balls. Possibly one of the funniest things I have ever had someone say to my face

Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#126
Is it supposed to be connected to the fact you were playing pool? The ball thing
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#127
Quote by Venice King
Is it supposed to be connected to the fact you were playing pool? The ball thing


No...he has his **** and his balls, in his girls ass, when she got cramp and went nuts.
He couldn't get them out quick enough
Quote by Cal UK

...that's what Skeet always says anyway and he's a sex god.


Member of the official GB&C "Who to Listen to" list


I support Shay van Fani
I can supply WD Music, ABM and AllParts products to UK builders at DISCOUNTED prices!
#128
Quote by Skeet UK
No...he has his **** and his balls, in his girls ass, when she got cramp and went nuts.
He couldn't get them out quick enough



Stop with the added humour.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#129
Lmao you do have a way with stories.

I dont have balls, but I imagine having your balls yanked suddenly would be anything but pleasant. She basically dragged him by his balls
YELLOWFRIZBEE s FreezerBurn


Stepco's Master
|Colowomble 2016|PSN=yellowfrizbee| + UG Community Radio|
#130
I've done my fair share of anal with my girlfriend but never could I imagine putting my actual balls in her ass too! That story would make me fear having anal forever.

Not really a horror story but kind of a gross one. I was straddling my girlfriend and having titty sex with her and I was cumming on her face and shot a little bit of my load in the nostril of my girlfriend. It made her sneeze almost immediately and I had a mixture of jizz and snot sprayed all over me. We sat for a second just staring at each other, a mist of snot and jizz on me and cum on her face, and laughing hysterically for a good 5 minutes or so.

My girlfriend always tilts her head a bit forward from now on when I cum on her face
is too young to be versed in such grown up ways...

please listen to my band at www.drawntofury.com
#131
I got a question.

Does anyone else get turned off when a chick starts shouting your name during sex? I don't mind the occassional "oh ****, *name*" but when they start repeating your name over and over it kinda... freaks me out a bit.

Especially when I don't know THEIR name >.>;

Anyone else feel this way? I think chicks assume it gets a guy off, but I have to disagree.
Matter is void. All is vanity. All is nothing. Nothing exists.

But damn does whisky rule
#132
Quote by Talonwolf
I got a question.

Does anyone else get turned off when a chick starts shouting your name during sex? I don't mind the occassional "oh ****, *name*" but when they start repeating your name over and over it kinda... freaks me out a bit.

Especially when I don't know THEIR name >.>;

Anyone else feel this way? I think chicks assume it gets a guy off, but I have to disagree.


Same d00d, maybe it's cause saying their name gets them off.
Works for my missus, not for me.
On playing the Paul Gilbert signature at the guitar store extensively, my missus sighed:
"Put it down now, It's like you love that guitar more than me!"
In Which I replied.
"Well it has got two F-Holes!"
#133




lolstack for that story, Jesus, words can't describe how funny that is, I feel for that guy..

Skeet, please tell us you have more intruiging stories cus that one was a Gem!!
#134
those 2 stories made me laugh for a long time
Let me drive, let me drive, disappear in the night,
like I was a ghost in your dreams.


Are you drunk, or just losing a wrestling match with the english language?
#135
Okay, again the n00b here.

The other I was drift in my mind until sex came to me.
I thought, yeah cool, having sex would be nice, you know.
So then the question came to mind:

Wearing a condom on the first time?
I mean, if I were the girl about to **** for the first time, I'd be like "WTF, he's putting on the condom, wut…?"

IDK, what do you think about it? Wear a condom on the first time? If yes, which is the most obvious answer, then how to avoid the "WTF you doing there, huh?"
#136
Quote by Fiire
Okay, again the n00b here.

The other I was drift in my mind until sex came to me.
I thought, yeah cool, having sex would be nice, you know.
So then the question came to mind:

Wearing a condom on the first time?
I mean, if I were the girl about to **** for the first time, I'd be like "WTF, he's putting on the condom, wut…?"

IDK, what do you think about it? Wear a condom on the first time? If yes, which is the most obvious answer, then how to avoid the "WTF you doing there, huh?"

When you say girl's first time, I assumed a teenager. She'll know what a condom is and if she doesn't, you're probably a paedophile. Use it.

EDIT: Unless what you meant was that she'd be intimidated that you think you're about to have sex, but at that point it's usually pretty damn obvious so if it would creep her out or surprise her, you're probably a rapist.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
Last edited by Venice King at Jan 20, 2010,
#137
Quote by Venice King
When you say girl's first time, I assumed a teenager. She'll know what a condom is and if she doesn't, you're probably a paedophile. Use it.

EDIT: Unless what you meant was that she'd be intimidated that you think you're about to have sex, but at that point it's usually pretty damn obvious so if it would creep her out or surprise her, you're probably a rapist.

Yeah, teenagers- same age, not a rape.
Still, putting on a condom on the first time, kinda sounds awkward.
#138
Quote by Fiire
Yeah, teenagers- same age, not a rape.
Still, putting on a condom on the first time, kinda sounds awkward.

Think of the context...? You'll be close together, they'll be touching, caressing etc, she'll know what to expect. It's not like there are no signs and you just randomly put it on and do it.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
Quote by OddOneOut
I seem to attract girls.
Which is annoying, cos I'm a girl and I like cock.

Quote by IRISH_PUNK13
Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#139
Quote by Venice King
Think of the context...? You'll be close together, they'll be touching, caressing etc, she'll know what to expect. It's not like there are no signs and you just randomly put it on and do it.

Guess so.
I guess you can't really know until you say, "been there, done that."
#142
Quote by the_bradman
Okay, first time here, and I have a question for the all knowing sex thread. If I wanted to go more than once in the same session, would I need to change condoms inbetween cummings?


YES. You can force sperm/semen out of the top by repeatedly squishing it back in lol do change. Unless you didn't cum, then I see no issue.
#143
No, go ahead and cum in the same condom 6 times. Please. Just name your baby after ME!
E-Married to redneckrebel


Slinov>the cut down ultra cool short version story where the reader/listener gets to make their own assumptins on wat happens next
Slinov>how artistc of u jaci


beatha is ea an ceol
#144
Quote by the_bradman
Okay, first time here, and I have a question for the all knowing sex thread. If I wanted to go more than once in the same session, would I need to change condoms inbetween cummings?




That just reminded me that the weather girl here is called 'sarah cummings'
return 0;

Quote by jsync
And I've eaten at some of Australia's best pizzerias.



SOUNDCLOUD
. com / fancy-elle
#145
Quote by Julz127
Quote by the_bradman

Okay, first time here, and I have a question for the all knowing sex thread. If I wanted to go more than once in the same session, would I need to change condoms inbetween cummings?


That just reminded me that the weather girl here is called 'sarah cummings'

Now... the real question: is she hot?

If so, i wouldn't mind finishing between her and her sister.


/bad pun
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#147
Quote by Fiire
Yeah, teenagers- same age, not a rape.
Still, putting on a condom on the first time, kinda sounds awkward.


I have to say, if you think that sounds awkward.
Quite frankly, you're not ready to have sex.
#148
Quote by JilaX^
I have to say, if you think that sounds awkward.
Quite frankly, you're not ready to have sex.


+99

If youre going to be having sex with your girl, putting on a condom and being safe should be talked about and you should both be completely comfortable with you putting on a condom. Hell, if i was a girl and my boyfriend tried to have sex with me without a condom i'd probably rip his **** off for trying.
Last edited by Dark_Merlin at Jan 21, 2010,
#149
To be fair though, putting a condom on is always an awkward annoying pause between getting into it and actually doing it.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#150
Quote by jambi_mantra
To be fair though, putting a condom on is always an awkward annoying pause between getting into it and actually doing it.

True, but it is well worth it when you consider what risks you are avoiding by using one.
#151
If the girl is on the pill, its still wise to use the condom.
But my friends say just take it off, feels better and who cares?
So, condom on or off in this situation?
This is why we can't have nice things!
#152
Quote by The_Casinator
True, but it is well worth it when you consider what risks you are avoiding by using one.



Oh yea, for sure. I just thought it was a bit harsh to say "if you find it awkward you shouldn't be having sex", I've been having sex for a few years and I still find it awkward coz it just ruins the flow of everything. I much prefer when I'm with a girl on the pill so you can go straight from making out and getting naked into sex.

Quote by Benadeto
If the girl is on the pill, its still wise to use the condom.
But my friends say just take it off, feels better and who cares?
So, condom on or off in this situation?



If you know she doesn't have an STI and you know she's taking it correctly, there's no real reason to wear one other than just peace of mind. If you don't know about either of the previous stated, then wear one.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#153
Quote by jambi_mantra
Oh yea, for sure. I just thought it was a bit harsh to say "if you find it awkward you shouldn't be having sex", I've been having sex for a few years and I still find it awkward coz it just ruins the flow of everything. I much prefer when I'm with a girl on the pill so you can go straight from making out and getting naked into sex.


If you know she doesn't have an STI and you know she's taking it correctly, there's no real reason to wear one other than just peace of mind. If you don't know about either of the previous stated, then wear one.

I'm with this...

My gf's on the shot and we don't use condoms as neither of us have had other sex partners previously or have anything else to worry about. Sure, it's not completely safe, but most people only use a condom and that's less effective on it's own.

If we end up with a little jr then it's pure bad luck. Well, u know what i mean.

Back on topic: talk about it with your partner. Having sex with no condom does feel better and is pretty convenient, but if you want to feel at ease or just be sure, go ahead and slip one on. The pill's pretty effective IF taken as it's meant to be. Another approach is to at least wear one when possible, and if you don't do so then try and pull out just to be a little careful. Pulling out isn't an actual effective form of birth control but leaving less semen in her will sure minimize the risk.
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#154
How is it awkward? It is quick and easy. It's only awkward if you sit there with an awkward face on and feeling awkward.
O what a disgrace if such a despised and base race, which worships demons, should conquer a people which has the faith of omnipotent God and is made glorious with the name of Christ!

The music winners listen to
#155
Stop, get up, find one, put it on, then get back into it. Maybe awkward isn't the word, it's just annoying.
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable


@gossage91
@overtimefitnessau
#156
Its only awkward if you both let it be awkward, In my case for example, we both knew that it had to be done, so we didn't bat an eyelid to it, would just make a joke to keep the mood light, or tease her in some way, that way she is distracted whilst putting it on, or even better try and get her to help you put it on, that way she is involved with the process and is playing with you at the same time. There are ways round it, but if you're comfortable enough with each other, it shouldn't be THAT awkward.
#157
Quote by Kipister
Its only awkward if you both let it be awkward, In my case for example, we both knew that it had to be done, so we didn't bat an eyelid to it, would just make a joke to keep the mood light, or tease her in some way, that way she is distracted whilst putting it on, or even better try and get her to help you put it on, that way she is involved with the process and is playing with you at the same time. There are ways round it, but if you're comfortable enough with each other, it shouldn't be THAT awkward.

It's only awkward mainly when you're new at it or you're with a new partner. After a while you get used to it.

I remember the first time i was like, "So... you sure you want to do this? Alright..."


*awkward silence*


*struggle*


"Ok, where was i?"
Originally Posted by evening_crow
Quoting yourself is cool.


WARNING: I kill threads.
#158
Quote by Benadeto
If the girl is on the pill, its still wise to use the condom.
But my friends say just take it off, feels better and who cares?
So, condom on or off in this situation?


Pill can fail.

Quote by jambi_mantra
Oh yea, for sure. I just thought it was a bit harsh to say "if you find it awkward you shouldn't be having sex", I've been having sex for a few years and I still find it awkward coz it just ruins the flow of everything. I much prefer when I'm with a girl on the pill so you can go straight from making out and getting naked into sex.


If you know she doesn't have an STI and you know she's taking it correctly, there's no real reason to wear one other than just peace of mind. If you don't know about either of the previous stated, then wear one.


Is it annoying?
Sure.
But, to feel even the thought of putting one on, and what she might think, being awkward? Seems like he's not ready, that's all.
#159
It's just annoying. My first time using one I couldn't figure out for the life of me how to get it on. It was funny instead of awkward though.

So my girl and I are starting sex journals. It started by her asking for me to name random fantasies I have and then she told one or two of hers. (It's hard thinking of fantasies when you aren't horny.) We decided to get some little notebooks and write down any little thing we felt like. Fantasies, positions, things we'd like to do etc etc. It's only as a form of expression and communication, we won't be doing everything we write down but we're both very curious about how things turn out.

Has anyone else tried this? We think it's a very healthy way of expressing ourselves sexually and learning how to please each other on a deeper level. After a while we'll trade to read the others and write little comments. I'm excited about it actually.
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#160
My ex was always very proud of her ability to put condoms on me with her mouth. This meant that, on the rare occasion that we bothered with the things (she was on the pill and I never finished inside her anyway) she would want to do that every time as a means of showing off.

I was fairly indifferent, but it kept the moment fairly passionate. If the woman is actually willing to be involved then there's no need for it to be a pause at all.