champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
106 IQ
#1
Hey guys. Been a while since I posted anything on Tabs and Chords. Anyway, I really like where this song is going. Its a work in progress, but its still a good 3 minutes long. The final version will probably be much longer. I decided to take the symphonic road, but its still mostly guitar work. Anyway, enjoy. Constructive criticism is welcome and I'll C4C if you post a link.
Attachments:
Frostwip.zip
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Last edited by champayne at Apr 3, 2010,
atira
Registered User
Join date: Jun 2009
40 IQ
#2
First of all: good drums.

Okay, I don't have time, I have to go to sleep so I'll check back later.
But I worked on your intro.
You started off with a nice melody in the first bar then you started repeating it for 18 bars. My ears expected a continuation of the melody and it was not pleasant hearing a repetition.
Furthermore every other instrument moves downwards then back upwards while synth 1 (the melody) keeps playing the same, creating a not very pleasant dissonance (at least for my ears).
So I changed Synth 1, take a look at it. If you don't like it, scrap it.

Also: I see that right guitar plays a third compared to the left guitar which is okay if you want to do that, it's a matter of taste. But G is very dissonant here, use G# (I already did that, check it). You're playing in F# minor and G is a chromatic sound here.

This is it so far, I'll check back later.
Attachments:
frostwip[1].gp5
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
106 IQ
#3
Quote by atira
First of all: good drums.

Okay, I don't have time, I have to go to sleep so I'll check back later.
But I worked on your intro.
You started off with a nice melody in the first bar then you started repeating it for 18 bars. My ears expected a continuation of the melody and it was not pleasant hearing a repetition.
Furthermore every other instrument moves downwards then back upwards while synth 1 (the melody) keeps playing the same, creating a not very pleasant dissonance (at least for my ears).
So I changed Synth 1, take a look at it. If you don't like it, scrap it.

Also: I see that right guitar plays a third compared to the left guitar which is okay if you want to do that, it's a matter of taste. But G is very dissonant here, use G# (I already did that, check it). You're playing in F# minor and G is a chromatic sound here.

This is it so far, I'll check back later.


It was meant to be kind of a starting point, where I developed the other parts from there. I didn't really want itself to progress that much. But I like what you're doing. I might consider that. Thanks for the crit!
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Squares
Similar to Rectangles
Join date: Dec 2008
60 IQ
#5
I enjoy this immensely.

the melody at 35 needs to be more ... showcased. You know? brought to the front of the wall of sound you build.

the constant powerchords can get boring, but vocals would fix that.

change at 51 is a bit abrupt for this song.

after that, you should have some REALLY quiet strings behind...oh wait. there they are.

Same Old Stuff: It really is.

haha. i like your construction site. Currently it sounds like a trainwreck. lol


I think the intro was the most impressive part so far.
Fix your transitions, and add a bit more sustinence where needed. This IS symphonic metal after all. You've got an orchestra, use it :P


Mind checking out mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=23699626#post23699626
AYE! if you LOVE

FOXY SHAZAM!
champayne
Sexual Harassment Panda
Join date: Sep 2006
106 IQ
#6
I left you two nice, fresh crits on your songs.


Quote by Squares
I enjoy this immensely.

the melody at 35 needs to be more ... showcased. You know? brought to the front of the wall of sound you build.

the constant powerchords can get boring, but vocals would fix that.

change at 51 is a bit abrupt for this song.

after that, you should have some REALLY quiet strings behind...oh wait. there they are.

Same Old Stuff: It really is.

haha. i like your construction site. Currently it sounds like a trainwreck. lol


I think the intro was the most impressive part so far.
Fix your transitions, and add a bit more sustinence where needed. This IS symphonic metal after all. You've got an orchestra, use it :P


Mind checking out mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=23699626#post23699626


I guess the symphonic metal part is a bit of an overstatement. It is meant as an atmospheric background. But I'll try harder to incorporate that, but I don't currently have a (working) keyboard. Its kinda hard for me cause I write it on my guitar.

About the solo, I know it sucks right now. I should have removed it before posting the song. I think I'll scrap it completely. I'll write a better solo once I final decide to replace the 1st string on my guitar .
Quote by RhyseOrtiz
Banned because.. that was brilliant, champayne


Some of My Recent Songs

[thread="1403441"]Synthetic Damage WIP[/thread]

[thread="1350364"]The Nightman Awakens[/thread]

[thread="1322579"]Into the Sunset WIP[/thread]

[thread="1296556"]Frost[/thread]
[thread="1247340"]The Butter Knife Massacre[/thread]
[thread="1253933"]Into The Sparta Pit[/thread]

[thread="1224038"]Untitled Tech Thing[/thread]
Squares
Similar to Rectangles
Join date: Dec 2008
60 IQ
#7
Quote by champayne
I left you two nice, fresh crits on your songs.


I guess the symphonic metal part is a bit of an overstatement. It is meant as an atmospheric background. But I'll try harder to incorporate that, but I don't currently have a (working) keyboard. Its kinda hard for me cause I write it on my guitar.

About the solo, I know it sucks right now. I should have removed it before posting the song. I think I'll scrap it completely. I'll write a better solo once I final decide to replace the 1st string on my guitar .


Jeez man, everything you play is broken, i feel for ya lol.


And i realiza now that trainwreck was a little harsh. my guitar pro messed up when it got there and caused every note to sustain.

Thus train wreck.

...I gave it a twice over, and it does sound like a decent, albeit slightly cliche'd pre-solo.

I say keep it, and have a Howling string section backing it up.
AYE! if you LOVE

FOXY SHAZAM!