Registered User
Join date: Feb 2010
10 IQ
I think maybe the little crash moment after the final chorus should also be present just before the bridge, that transition currently feels a little bumpy.

Of course, I would have told you this on Xfire if you bothered signing in right now -.-

For all others: I'm the 'other member' except I didn't really do anything at all, this is all 13th's work.
Something awkward.
Join date: May 2009
772 IQ
It's a pretty ok song, not exceedingly original but does its purpose. The idea of adding piano and strings to the metal riffing is one that I fully approve of, more people should be doing this rather than just chuga-chuga the whole time xD... ok, as for real critting, some random notes:

- your bass is tuned just like a guitar, which kinda defeats the purpose of having a bass altogether, it's supposed to fill the low-frequency range... either use a proper bass tuning or that drop-C one octave down, k?

- the strings fill in the chorus is good but slightly "inconstant" because you have chords followed by single notes and it breaks the flow a little. I messed a little with them in the 2nd chorus so you can see what I mean.

- I also think you should add a cymbal (crash or something) in the first bar of bridge to fix the transition... oh wait, that's what your mate said. nevermind and some of the notes in the strings for the bridge itself sound better (imo) tied together, rather than played sucessively in each bar. Again, I messed with the file so you see what I mean.

- and maybe make the final chorus a bit more full? Add rhythm guitar or continue the lead from the previous section into a chorus melody? I feel that it would add some very welcome extra tension to the finale of the song.

That was a lot of suggestions xD don't read me wrong, it was an enjoyable piece, it's just that if I were writing it, I'd have made some things different, only small details as you can see. Take my suggestions as you wish.

If you wanna C4C, I point you to Lost Dreams, in my sig. cheers
Taste Of Cruelty 2nd chorus suggestion.gp5
Last edited by |_JR_| at May 6, 2010,