guitar_jew
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2009
974 IQ
#1
Title says all that needs to be said. Been working on this all weekend. Any and all criticism is welcome and encouraged. I'll look at any songs requested.
Attachments:
Brutal thing gp.gp.gp5
blink_fan
Registered User
Join date: May 2006
158 IQ
#2
I like it, a bit too long but otherwise great
But people are what they wanna be
They're not lemmings to the sea
Maybe it's time you looked at yourself
Stop blaming life on someone else


R.I.P JIMMY "THE REV" SULLIVAN
JazzDeath
Oracle of the Absurd
Join date: Aug 2008
2,037 IQ
#3
A few things this song could use more of -

Drum variation
Guitar harmonies

You need to work on your leads, they often do not add anything at all to the piece.

I understand the faceless comparison with the spastic structure, but really, it's a bit too all over the place, and the lead lines don't add anything to the piece, they're actually as a whole, more annoying than anything else.

Many of the riffs would really sound better with harmonies on both guitars.

I'd say the bass is pretty cool throughout, it's often different from the guitars and gives a nice contrast overall.

One of the best sections - all of from 64 to 100 - although it could use more variation, it's a bit too long, and vary the drums around.

Section at 122 is also a keeper.

Not sure what to say right now, there's some really good stuff but a lack of variation, harmony, lackluster lead lines, and repetitive drums, all need to be worked upon.

Could you check out the song Sensory Overload in my signature? You might enjoy the style .
slayerfrk
UG Board King
Join date: Jul 2007
823 IQ
#4
after hearing the intro i new it would be a good song, i was right. definity has that faceless sound. i dont see anything wrong with it. i have to agree with jazzdeath though, it needs more harmony and drum vartions. maybe some gravity blasts :P
ninja.kitty
Registered User
Join date: Oct 2007
2,340 IQ
#5
Deathcore isn't really my deal, but i will try my best to not be biased about this, ha.

1-22: I kinda dug this riff. I found it kinda had SOME structure to it, and i wasn't freakin confused about it.
23-26: Good transition
27-48: I liked the rhythm part, but didn't like the lead. Like others have said, it doesn't add anything. It sounds like someone is interrupting the song with their obnoxious shred. Probably not the best part to do a solo over.
49-57: Same as 1-22
58-66: Pretty neat riff here too
67-85: I like the riff here, and how it moves up the fretboard. The tremelo's were cool, but seemed a little too chaotic at parts. Maybe thats what you were going for though.
86-100: I like the riff here, but i feel the same about the tremelos... The harmonies sounded good though. you need more of those in this song
101-105: For some reason I really liked this part, lol. Maybe it was the drums.
106-121: The lead... ehh.....
122-130: I thought this part was going to be the creepy, slow, melodicsh part, but you punched me in the face with your tremelos at 126, ha
131-167: Same as I have said before
168-183: Love the harmonies here
184-198: Kinda ehhh ending, but it works.

I did my best, ha. Thanks for the crit man
bassburton
Multi Genre Influenced
Join date: Jan 2007
1,365 IQ
#6
The first 66 bars seem a little too all over the place. It seemed like a bunch of different riffs put together. Oh and the lead maybe could of worked, if you had toned down the riffs under it or maybe changed the lead scale and note wise. After bar 66 the song shaped up, All though the riff before the tremolo parts sounds a little out of place. The second solo still doesn't fit, although it fits al little better than the previous one. The beginning riffs for some reason fit better now towards the end of the song. Overall it seemed like you tried to cram a bunch or riffs into one song.

It needs some work so it can be good. I don't quite think this is your style. Some riffs in there were quite good though.
The clock strikes midnight
When tomorrow and today collide
The moon is at its highest
And the twilight seems fitting
For in these moments
The light at the end of the world
Shines like a thousand suns....


Victor Gutierrez
piratemetalhead
Registered User
Join date: May 2007
2,274 IQ
#7
I like how the song plays out at first. The riffs all transform quickly before they can get tiresome, and there's almost a constantly revolving, jam-like feel to it. Sounds kind of like Psycroptic-ish, with some very faceless-like (obviously) and origin-like sections (particualrily bar.92)

I like the shredding and all, and the breakdown-like bits, but I feel the sections repeat a bit too much during the latter half, but vocals would change it up enough if there were any.

Anyways, enjoyed this song, be free to check mine out if you have a chance; https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1316608
guitar_jew
Registered User
Join date: Feb 2009
974 IQ
#8
Thanks for all the crits. I'm gonna work on a new version addressing the 'problem' points if I can get some free time this weekend.

EDIT: Okay, so that weekend didn't work out on account of I was busy. But after I take my SAT this Saturday I'll be on summer break and I'll have a lot more free time to work on that updated version of the song.
Last edited by guitar_jew at Jun 1, 2010,