#1
at a long day's end
the worries and wants forgotten
inside a half-lit home of friends
lonely, empty corners looking in

if these dim-lit walls did not exist
if all there was was this circle of us
i wouldn't care one bit
if the worries and wants
held me below water with an unbreakable grip
i'd survive by breathing through moving lips
i'd exhale the carbon di-oxide
into the ears of my friends, who would listen

now the light hearted evening begins to float away
the wants and worries it held up
fall from strings that couldn't take the strain
monday morning, you feel all that weight
it holds you down and now you're drowning
so now you talk at me, friend
let out the air you're holding in

EDIT: Changed the entire last stanza.
We're only strays.
Last edited by Martyr's Prayer at May 17, 2010,
#2
I really liked this piece. It gave an atmosphere, and really showed what the person was thinking.

The one thing I didn't like was 'Carbon dioxide'. Perhaps something simple such as 'air' would fit the mood of the piece better?
RIP Tom Searle.
#3
Quote by MH400
I really liked this piece. It gave an atmosphere, and really showed what the person was thinking.

The one thing I didn't like was 'Carbon dioxide'. Perhaps something simple such as 'air' would fit the mood of the piece better?


Well you have to exhale or else you'll get carbon dioxide. You have to let it out. So being specific like that adds some significance (at least to me).

Also, I'm going to change the ending...
We're only strays.