Deep*Kick
Registered User
Join date: Jan 2007
364 IQ
#1
Hi guys, I have a few songs that i could use a hand chopping up and re-organising, I just can't seem to finish either of them and they are frozen in development. So some help or critique would be good (obviously i'll C4C).
Plus either could use a solo section if anyone feels up for it nudge nudge.

looking forward to input
Attachments:
nines1.gp5
melody.gp5
^Note: Probably sarcastic
Gear
Schecter Blackjack C1-FR
Few Agile 8-strings
Ormsby Hypemachine 2014 otw!!

Carvin X-100B
axe-fx II

W.A musicians FTW
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Deep*Kick. You have destroyed every concept of life I've ever had.
huevos
Signt, oo Jaed?
Join date: Feb 2007
1,892 IQ
#2
Both songs have potential. So I wouldn't scrap either.
The thing is that the drumming in both is sketchy at best; in nines1, very inconsistent, while the other song uses the same beat for about 60 measures.

Nines1:
Starts out interestingly enough, but the awkward drum beat throws it off. The 16th note snare hits on the last 8th of each bar work, but the lack of snare on every other measure coupled with the snare accenting on what is normally the 3rd beat in 4/4 really ****s with the rhythm.
In a regular triple compound, the strongest accents are the 1st, 4th, and 7th eighth notes (which is the 1st note of every bar).
The bass is also kinda odd, so I'm gunna rewrite that for you as well, to see if you like it.

That riff at bar 18 could work, but I think it's placement is detrimental to the flow of the song. I'll see what I could with it by just leaving it there.

Melody:
I won't rework this one, as it's a lot stronger. All I would say is change the drums into something that repeats every 2-4 bars. Or keep the same basic beat and remove the snare hits on the 3rd beat.


EDIT: I had no idea what to do with the measure 18 section. There's nothing driving it, so I don't know what direction to take it in.
I only messed with the 1st riff of the song. Oh, and neither song needs a solo. It'll only bring it down.
Attachments:
nines1.gp5
Last edited by huevos at May 17, 2010,