#1
Hey guys,

I've been working on this song for a couple days now, and I wanted some outside opinion on it. I was going for an August Burns Red/Veil Of Maya/Faceless sort of feel to it, but it feels like it's missing something.

Like the title says, it's still a work in progress, but any help would be great.

Thanks

http://www.mediafire.com/?tz021zkuhvo
My Rig.
Destroyed.. UGH
Ibanez RG321MH w/ EMG 81/85, Fender Telecaster, Fender Stratocaster
--
1967 Fender Princeton
Boss TU-2 --> Boss MT-2 --> Maxon OD9 -->Boss DD-6
--
Past Gear:
5150 Blockletter, Avatar 412, Vox AC30, ISP Decimator.
Last edited by dsgn09 at May 17, 2010,
#2
I thought it was pretty decent, definitely a good start. One thing I think would have been cool is if that little lead line starting at 16 should go down a half-step on the next measure. From 5-8 to 4-7. Maybe thats to predictable. I don't know. Also, that very last riff, starting at 63, would have been cooler if the higher part continued through the chugs as it went on. Thats how I would picture it.

Would you like take a listen to one of my new songs? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1313083

Someone had trouble downloading it, but other people have gotten it, so let me know.
#3
Thanks for the critique. I made a few edits to the first breakdown, and ended up doing the 5-8, 4-7 riff.
My Rig.
Destroyed.. UGH
Ibanez RG321MH w/ EMG 81/85, Fender Telecaster, Fender Stratocaster
--
1967 Fender Princeton
Boss TU-2 --> Boss MT-2 --> Maxon OD9 -->Boss DD-6
--
Past Gear:
5150 Blockletter, Avatar 412, Vox AC30, ISP Decimator.