#1
black comedy

the organ weeps in a procession progression
arthritic bones creak amongst the keys
a black box detailing our (love)life lay before us
wreathed in blooming petals
mere weeks away from being buried themselves
the tears are veiled//black dresses left to mourn
saved for such special occasions as these
the red ties perch upon worn wooden pews
sipping the (blood)bath of young wings
the tragedy begins with the comedy
she laughs loudest and last.
and the black choir croons-
“is this the death of my (sex)life?
will I be reincarnated in another’s body?”
neither of us knows what follows this.
the beginning and the ending kiss
the lips are the teeth in this mouth of his
paper condolences are sent by the dozen
to be stood (up)on the windowsill
blown in by the wind
and each blackbird that foretold of a death in the family (value)
the larks sing themselves to sleep
by the hillside
far enough beyond the mountain
so no one will hear them.
but these cages keep to themselves
and the cuff(link)s are chained on their wrists
every furnishing left to collect dust
in the gathering storm
& still the meadowlarks cry
my vocal chords ring out in your overtones
the youlogy falls on deaf (h)ear(ing)s
dig your own grave/I’ll bury my head in my hands
it was (a) fun(eral)
while it lasted.
#2
Please spell check before you post. It's spelled "eulogy". Other than that, very good song. Thought--provoking in a way. I like how you used parentheses to sort of imply certain parts.
#3
i gotta say, i thought the putting the wordplay in parenthesis comes across as a bit smug. like the guy who constantly cuts over everything with a witty aside or a "thats what she said" until you want to punch him in the face. its best to let people find the clever bits on their own without you having to highlight them. made me wonder if it was supposed to be an overtly humourous piece, or more serious. If its humourous, theres not enough humour (beyond a sort of 1900s PG wodehouse kinda vibe) the wit seems far too self conscious. if it really is supposed to be serious, then the bits in parenthesis kinda cheapen it all.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
#4
haha for the record, the misspelling was on purpose.
and point taken, Funkas Puck, but the parenthesis have kindof become part of my style. It wasn't executed as well in this piece, but usually the aim is to alter the meaning of a word by adding something infront or behind (or sometimes in) the word.

also- yes, it was supposed to be serious.