#1
every person has remnants of
youthful sadism learned from
magic johnson and where the wild things
are and from cat dog
(if you're a nineties kid)
that tell us to pull whiskers on kittens
and old cats until they bleed
or until they pop
off, delicately replacing the empty space
and throwing a planet out of orbit
across the universe and
when drops of blood fall from nostrils
of pink innocence we only can compare our
progress to evolutions and we
can feel perfect, maybe
like we're electric hard drives that are
absorbing everything obsolete again;
truth is a function of time and we must
test ourselves every moments lest we
fall behind the cultural curve and tell
friends about weezer in 2030
Last edited by hippieboy444 at May 20, 2010,
#2
This just runs on and on and on
Every now and then, it's nice to be able to take a quick mental breath


every person ... to pull

Stuff like this always comes off rough,
I, as the reader, could easily say "no, not me" and the image is ruined (It was my reflex to as I first read through this, actually)
It's the difference between asking me to believe the image and pulling me into it

In fact, this is carried on by the feel of the entire thing here,
and this came off with the tone of a public service announcement

I do, however, like the last two lines,
they give a nice little chuckle before I'm done reading
#4
I'm not sure I understand how the images work with the message
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#5
i had a hard time getting into this one because, i guess as saadia alluded to, the images felt very disjointed when placed next to each other. i was with you up until the "blood fall from nostrils" line where i think it turned into an entirely new direction. maybe it's attributed to my shortcomings as a reader, but i failed to see a connecting idea from the beginning of the poem to the end.
here, My Dear, here it is
#6
Honestly, why does it matter if anything makes sense? what difference does it make if it connects?
#7
it's hard to appreciate a piece when one doesn't understand it. images can be pretty or interesting but if they don't illicit any kind of response it's difficult to take any value from it.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#9
that's fine my first comment wasn't meant as a crit, I genuinely just didn't understand. if you want to explain you can, and if not it's all good... this is your's.
Quote by Arthur Curry
it's official, vintage x metal is the saving grace of this board and/or the antichrist




e-married to
theguitarist
minterman22
tateandlyle
& alaskan_ninja

#10
I feel like this is two different topics that you somehow managed to connect together. To be honest, I felt like it was mindless blabber similar to what is often found in lyrics of Hendrix. With these last two songs I would not be surprised if you started hittin up acid. This one was not as good as the last one though.