#1
Staggered into this posh club and everyone looked the same, inspired me to write this:


You try to be it
But you’re the opposite
Laughing at lies
Fake happiness in your eyes
Glossy from the fake tan bottle
You will answer any call, to
Just show off your pretentious possessions

You look the same
The only difference is your name

You try to be something you’re not
You say you owe things you haven’t got
Just to fit into the crowd, to be a clone
A dumb terminal
#2
You try to be it
But you’re the opposite
The rhyme is a little weak here.
Laughing at lies
Fake happiness in your eyes
Maybe put a fake smile in those eyes, or smth less direct?
Glossy from the fake tan bottle
Repeating fake comes off weak when it falls at different point in two successive lines
Maybe more repetitions could make it seem deliberate.
Glossy ---> Fake gloss
That adds one, maybe you could find more, idk.

You will answer any call, to
Just show off your pretentious possessions

You look the same
The only difference is your name

You try to be something you’re not
You say you owe things you haven’t got
Just to fit into the crowd, to be a clone
A dumb terminal
Thud.
Too geekspeak, methinks.




There are likely to be a lot of people who don't know the technical meaning of a dumb terminal. Even though I do, I still felt that line was an unsatisfying way to close this. I think you should try for something better.
Meadows
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