#1
4th or 5th draft of my Architects Triad song. The main riff is very derivative of Protest's "No Stars over Bethlehem", but doesn't carry the same intense.

Hell, I feel this song is really disconnected. I like the chorus quite a bit, as well as the outro, but everything else seems too bland.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm being self-depreciative, but something seems off in this song.
I think may have structured it in a terrible way.


EDIT: Couldn't upload the zip for some reason.
Attachments:
Architect_CAD_ArtVan.gp4
Last edited by huevos at May 22, 2010,
#2
I liked this one more than your other pieces, I guess it's because of the simple structure.

My favorite part is the stardust melody in bars 25-29, I love that gloomy feeling. Unfortunately, you don't develop that theme.

Bar 62 made me atumble a bit. In the post chorus you have A and F,changing every 2 bars and in the verse you have the same chords every other bar.
That made me think that bar 62 is supposed to be changing to F again, but of course it doesn't.
I don't know if it is that much of a problem, but maybe you can add a little break in there to separate post chorus and verse mroe clearly.

That dub house drop part threw me off completely. The structure in the outr also is a bit messed up, I can'T get into it at all.
Everything else is fine, though, the song is very rhythm driven and I like that.
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
#3
Yeah, I see what you mean in the Post-Chorus/Verse transition; the resolution is weak and feels incomplete.

I didn't know where to go with what you call the gloomy theme. I wanted to keep this generally short and simple, and the inclusion of that was to spice up the 1st Verse. I might expand on it, because it does just disappear, with no clear as to what happened. It would be perfectly fine if I was a writer on Lost.

I'm storing this one in my incomplete folder till I figure out what to do with it.
#4
In Bar 13, the A# in the third beat sounds a little off-putting, as well as a lot of the chords and leads after the tempo drop. Don't really like the section at Bar 46. This song's pretty jarring in a good way. Kinda bouncy. Feels rather anti-climatic though. Not feeling any of the transitions though. I suggest going back and cleaning up some of your melodies' flow and killing some of the repetition. This has lots of potential and it sounds rather unique to anything I've heard before even if I hear the PtH influence.
#5
I think the verse from 74 runs for too long and it ends up dragging a bit because it's all the same thing that was played in the previous verse. I think the transition is excellent if you shorten that section and bring in the Bridge right after.

Another way to make that Dub House drop a little more effective is if you bring in some percussion with it. It has potential to be a great buildup because you begin layering instruments, but the way you have it now, I think it shortchanges the listener. I definitely wanted more than what I ended up getting. (I hope that wasn't too harsh)

You could also bring in that fading guitar line from the Dub House drop section for when you've only got one guitar playing. That would be really cool to do. Of course, the outro also needs a bass part, but I think you're well aware of that.
#6
All of you have brought some honest criticism, which is exactly what I was looking for.

Kwonnie, I know what you mean by it being anti-climatic. I would get that feeling everything I would listen to it, especially during the half-assed conclusion.
I do see where the repetition does hurt it.
As you can see, Thorbor comes from the school of vamps. He wants more consistency, while you probably prefer a more free-flowing style.

Progbass92, this isn't the 300 bar piece, obviously. But I do appreciate your insight. I actually copypasta'd that section at bar 72 because I had nowhere to go with it. It's the same thing that happened with the original version of this song; ran out of juice without resorting to my left-field tricks.
I still did go in that direction with the dub house, which is why it was so uninspired. If I go towards the bat-shit crazy door, it better have some oomph to it.

I'll take all of your suggestions into account when I rework this song.