#1
1st edition; secondhand

what of these rebound books,
holding these paper thin frames together
so that you can never really see through
‘til you lick that rule of thumb
and turn that page?
I am not content with such contents.
you can look them up,
and check the number,
but each page six seems to appear the same
as the one before
‘til you’ve finished with them
and they shut up forever-
only to be thought of in your head
or passed on in passing thoughts
or references.
so I shelve them like old bottles
but age may not due them any kindness.
their lines deepen to become rows of soil
(mud-masks to cover up those seeds of time ripening to rot-
it is fruitless.)
or fault to be found.
some are spiral(ing depression) bound,
their spines to be warped or cracked
from being spread open so often,
in exchanging secondhands.
they have been given the once over(and over and over),
their titles- meaningless.
some found used, and have been taken home
to be cared for
a price.
but most remain thin,
white,
numerous,
and forgotten, torn up
frayed. barely holding themselves together.
the rebound books were once novel ideas,
but have since been pressed
and released
into so many boxes to be shipped.
and once signed, are worth little more than their weight
but when such tables of contents are turned,
and the popular taste in women
takes shifts,
hardly anyone will have gracious things to say of them.
but if such ends weren’t given away
would we all get behind?
(to the victors belong the spoilers)
skim to the back to discover a photograph or two,
(some solid evidence of the fiction writer)
a tongue of the past
telling an even shorter apartment story
of where they came. from
the rebound books sell well to those with time
on their secondhands; (lest the purchase become a slap on the wrist)
by men who are all about action
and no plot.
but these pages were of the earth once,
and are bound to be buried again.
Last edited by Sticky Tissues at May 25, 2010,
#2
Are your parantheses for a repeat or for explanatory notes? It feels like you would like to explain your coyness a little bit for those who might not get it. I think for instance, spiral bound works fine without the paranthesis. If you want to say the parantheses phrases, do it. If you are paranthetically speaking not for explanation but for a musical gesture, you might work with the rhyme and the meter a little more.

The phrase To the victors be the spoilers is not quite right. The quote is "to the victor belongs the spoils" unless you are playing up spoiled victory? "to the" becomes the problem then, since you are suggesting that to the victors be the spoilers. What? It doesn't work. Maybe, the victors become the spoilers?

I think your concept of failed relationship and failing fragile books is pretty clear. Its a great concept. Do you have a melody or chord/rhythm structure to this?
#3
Quote by miumiu
Are your parantheses for a repeat or for explanatory notes? It feels like you would like to explain your coyness a little bit for those who might not get it. I think for instance, spiral bound works fine without the paranthesis. If you want to say the parantheses phrases, do it. If you are paranthetically speaking not for explanation but for a musical gesture, you might work with the rhyme and the meter a little more.

The phrase To the victors be the spoilers is not quite right. The quote is "to the victor belongs the spoils" unless you are playing up spoiled victory? "to the" becomes the problem then, since you are suggesting that to the victors be the spoilers. What? It doesn't work. Maybe, the victors become the spoilers?

I think your concept of failed relationship and failing fragile books is pretty clear. Its a great concept. Do you have a melody or chord/rhythm structure to this?


Yeah, I've been having a bit of a time lately putting aside my worries that people who read my work won't get it: its something I'm working on. My aim is usually to offset a word with a prefix or another word sometimes attached to it in brackets to change the word- that's what I try and use the parenthesis for.

I admit this piece didn't employ them as well as I could have; its an old style of mine I'm growing out of a bit, mostly because I've found that a fair amount of the ones I use now would be more or less the same connotation with or without the brackets.

Thanks for the correction, I forgot that it was "to the victor belongs the spoils", and yes, it was a play off of that, inferring that those who give away the ending are considered the winners, thus the "ender" of the relationship often is seen as the stronger one.

This is actually just a poem, as are all the ones I've put up so far. My lyrics are a tad different, as I do write songs as well. I might post one of them at some point. For now I'm trying to sculpt and evolve my poetry as much as I can as it really is a passion and pursuit of mine.

hahaha this poem is such a pet peeve for me because I make it a habit to write at least once a day and I happened to write a better poem than this one (in my opinion, of course) a few hours after this one and jumped the gun to post this before I wrote the other. Ah well. Patience is a virtue.

Thanks for the crit.

ps. I've edited the poem and removed the brackets. what do you think?
Last edited by Sticky Tissues at May 25, 2010,